Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Bob, the landlord, came by again today. In our first two years here he never came to the house, which was nice. It's no fun to be reminded that the house is our home, but not *ours.* Now I guess he is anxious to get their remodel plans rolling. He brought his tape measure today, and as he measured he passed the numbers to someone on the other end of his cell phone.

Is it hard to believe I am shy? I write tons and send it out in to the world almost daily, and yet I feel more or less anonymous, so no anxiety. But I sat quiet as a mouse while Bob went around the house. I hoped he'd not knock on the door or ask to come in or inquire as to why we still have halloween pumpkins on the front porch... The doorbell has been out of commission for quite some time, so if he tried to ring, I didn't hear it, but of course I knew he was out there, so I am still technically spineless.

Since his last drop-by I have resolved to pack/clean. Rather than put things on a shelf or back in the closet, I try to pack it for our inevitable move. Of course, I can't pack everything, and we don't even know where we are going, or even when we are going. But we are going, no later than October. I'd rather it be sooner. I am very ineffective when I am anticipating upheaval.

Last night I dreamt about Nena. We had pet mice and Nena kept getting in to the cage and swallowing the mice whole. It was a remarkable sight, she hardly let a tail slip from her kitty lips, so perhaps they were very small mice. There are also seemed to be a number of aquariums in the dream, and they were all low on water, which I attributed to Nena drinking the water. Who can say what the significance of any of this is? In life Nena ate birds, not mice.

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