Friday, December 01, 2006

Renting is depressing. A huge mortgage is depressing too, I know, but renting is depressing and degrading, so it beats out the stress of home ownership by a lot. I could elaborate and explain my humiliation and despondance, but I'd rather throw around colorful language and other sentence enhancers like F-this! and F-that! And F-it all! Our new landlord doesn't want to admit the plumbing here is shoddy, instead he tries to tell us "how to flush a toilet." The garbage disposal has clogged twice and he asks, "Did you put anything in it?" F-ing A! And we are still answering to Bob, the Treehouse landlord, because he wants us to pay for the replacement of the very F-upped carpeting that we put up with for three years and will be torn out when he rebuilds in 6 months...

You know, this isn't a half bad house and I like it better than an apartment or a trailer or a mud hut with a cardboard door, but I can't help feeling very unhappy. I feel a constant weight knowing that I may ruin something that isn't mine, simply by existing. At any moment the kids may stain the carpet or put a hole in a wall, or the landlord may be at the front door, again, asking to come in to adjust the sprinkler timer. It puts me in a state of constantly facing the fact that I am not good... not good at maintaining an orderly "drop by anytime" house... not good at flushing toilets... not good at accepting my lot in life and bucking-up... not good.

Can you picture me unpacking more boxes, decorating for Christmas and settling in to our new home?

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

It all goes by too fast. One moment you are trying to choose the right name, the next you are chasing a girl on a trike. Suddenly Maria is two. She is drawing and coloring and singing and dancing. She is delighting us with her wild ways and headstrong notions. She is charming us with her hugs, kisses and funny phrases. She plays with "bumbies" (bunnies) and before she slides or throws a ball she counts "one-two, one-two, nine, wheee, go!" She eats avocados and tomatoes, sweet potatoes and mashed potatoes. She likes to slurp the milk out of cereal. She likes to give the kitties their treats and greens to Joe, the bumby. Maria is feminine. Her nature says pink, lace, pretty shoes and baby dolls, dresses and mommy's scarves, a string of pearls, baubles and beads. Maria is a growing child. Her nature says climb, run, jump, explore, solve, inspect, push it, shake it, build it, then do it all over again. I say happy birthday baby girl. Happy birthday daughter, flower, funny child with the funny smile.