Monday, February 04, 2008

Everyday Life 30 :: 29

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement, the prayers.
We are absorbing all of it, putting one foot in front of the other, and slowly facing the new day.

It rained so hard yesterday. And the wind whistled through the house and left the yard strewn with leaves. The children and I had no place to go, so we played quietly at home, cleaned and reflected.
And it rained in Honoka'a, where for months and months it has been very dry, where the water tank that fills with rainwater has been sitting empty for a long time. The water tank is full now. The water gauges overflow. So much rain. The heavens bursting. Clouds torn apart. It's hard not to believe someone had a hand in this.

Saturday morning we were out together, enjoying the first day of Geoff's freedom from the long, arduous hours he has been working. We had decided to mix business with pleasure, taking a trail hike before going to have a tire fixed on our GreenGoose. We were at the trailhead, looking for the peacocks that live at the public rancho, when Geoff got the call. We had renewed our resolve that morning... it was to be a fresh start, a recommitment to our goals, and we were feeling so happy. He only had to say, "No," hearing this, seeing the pain spread across his being, I knew something was terribly wrong. Something irrevocable. I did not want to know who died. I wanted to know who was safe.

I still will not type the name. I have been keeping a mixed record of our days here... sometimes being trivial and pointless, sometimes ranting or whining, often sharing and recording the joyful, momentous and distinct events in our lives. We have come to appreciate Chickenblog as a chronicle of our days, so much so that it would be remiss of me not to mention these days, what we are coping with now. But I cannot write it out. Not yet. It's true: I am in denial. It hurts just slightly less, if I don't say his name. I'm sorry. I don't know if we will ever come back, years from now, and read this post. It won't be strange or confusing... we will remember the loss, who we miss so terribly.

Tomorrow will the 30th day of the Everyday Life posts, and I will be with the children, on our way to be with Geoff, his sister and their mother. Everyday Life was supposed to be 30 days of pictures that reflect a focused view of the details of our daily lives... including the little things we don't always take particular notice of or record. Looking through the archives, I can see we have had some remarkable days, and we have had some very quiet days which is a blessing too. Cooking, cleaning, playing, working, nature, the messes and the active play of our imaginations... all part of our everyday lives. Today we are coming to terms with death, another part of life.

Today we are anticipating a birth... isn't it poignant? Our dear friends, James and Deanne are having a baby today. It's so wonderful. *Update: I had to go see him. Never mind packing and cleaning... there's a new baby to welcome. Mother and father are well, and Parker is as cute as can be.

Aloha nui loa

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Everyday Life 30 :: 28

Today it is raining and cold, gray.
Geoff and Holly are flying to Hawaii, where they will see their Mom.
The world is different.
Our everyday life is unfamiliar.
One does not want to be obtuse, but the words are yet too painful to utter.
Silent, prayerful tears, raining, cold and gray.