Saturday, December 11, 2010
The Blogosphere is full of peace. I keep finding lovely posts about people's intentions to seek calm, to find beauty in anticipation, and simple joys near home, and in home.
I am inspired.
I am also overwhelmed. I get bright ideas, and believe in wonderful philosophies, and then sooner or later I find myself caught up in the mania that I had hoped to avoid.
Where are the stockings? The very same stockings I lost two years ago, and was distressed about replacing! Will our oven survive the next power outage? Is there time to get to the post office... shouldn't I have gifts, wrapped to take to the post office?! Where is Maria's birthday bunting? Where is my mind?
It is ridiculous. The rush. The anxiety. My own visions of how things ought to be, how I wish they could be.
So, I am taking a deep breath. And even though I am frustrated with even the notion that I should let another year go by without accomplishing half of my goals... the fact is... I should let another year go by without accomplishing half of my goals, and chill!
We have accomplished quite a bit. Right?
I gaze at favorite spots in our home, and realize that it is evolving and improving, and becoming ours, and familiar. I think of all those knobs, the ones we bought when we decided to buy our home one drawer pull at a time! How can I let the holidays bring me down, when we have come this far? Our own home, messes and all. We are so blessed.
I want to remember that often times when I let go, I find it easier to embrace what is right in front of me... the things that are right, or easy, joyful.
This doggy was in a favorite thrift shop, and I picked him up for my cousin, Deborah. He reminds me of the dogs she had as pets when we were young girls, best friends. Sooner or later I will get him tucked in a sturdy box, and send him on his way. And maybe I will do the same with other gifts and treasures. Intentions are good. I have many.
I may not know where to find all of the things I think I need, but I have found treasures that I had nearly forgotten, remembrances of our first chicas, when we were Jolly Green Ranchers! Max's chica portrait hung in the coop for Gracie, Luna, Rosie, and Sunshine, so they would have a spiffy abode!
Peace. Throughout the year. It's a gift, not a guarantee. And so I will remind myself to see the pretty things I love, and hear my children laughing, and sing along with the Christmas carols. Letting go, does make room for embracing what is here.
We bought so many pretty knobs. It seemed like every house we came close to buying had disaster written on it somewhere! But happily, ironically, the home that finally came to be ours has an amazing kitchen that does not need a single knob! And it makes me laugh to think of it... to think the one area we took charge of and were decisive about turned out to be fine without our plans and intentions! So, the knobs are other places, on furniture, in bathrooms... pretty reminders of our unexpected blessings.