There have been so many excursions, adventures, deadlines, errands, projects, events, milestones, visitors, and exchanges... so many, that I cannot unravel any of it. Good days. Fine moments. Beautiful, much anticipated happenings. Even some things that have been more than I bargained for, and we'll have to adjust our sails, and check our course... and thankfully we have summer, soon, soon, and this may be our chance to sort through our hopes and expectations, to reflect on the days that have passed, and the days before us. At the moment, it's a bit breathless and whirring.
It's possible, I am learning to honor my voice. Proving, again, that it's never too late to learn. A few occasions have presented themselves when I could have followed the pack, or been led by others, but instead, without apology, I did what felt right for me, for our family interests. What a refreshing and stress reducing gift it is to simply choose the option that feels best for one's own needs, beliefs, comfort. And, not to apologize now, but I would like to add... it's not about disregarding others, or being ungrateful, or even ignorant of "better" ways. I simply acknowledge what feels right, or good for me, and I am far, far less willing to disregard my own voice. This must be practiced, more and often.
We may go on a road trip. There are some places I miss and long to be.
We may stay home, close the gates, and hide in our garden, under the trees, in and around the barn.
"No!" said a voice; and then added, "You needn't shout so loud. I heard you quite well the first time."
"Bother!" said Pooh. "Isn't there anybody here at all?"
Winnie-the-Pooh took his head out of the hole, and thought for a little, and he thought to himself, "There must be somebody there, because somebody must have said 'Nobody'." So he put his head back in the hole, and said:
"Hallo, Rabbit, isn't that you?"
"No," said Rabbit, in a different sort of voice this time.
But isn't that Rabbit's voice?"
I don't think so," said Rabbit. "It isn't meant to be."
"Oh!" said Pooh.
He took his head out of the hole, and had another think, and then he put it back, and said:
"Well, could you very kindly tell me where Rabbit is?"
We would not reply. Yes, I do sympathize with Rabbit. Sometimes our hole in the hill must be a place all our own.
We say it, like a statement, full of meaning...
Meanings such as:
How is this possible?
We have goats!
You funny, funny creatures.
You monstrous, monstrous creatures.
Here is the cause, goats!
They make us happy. Happier, even, than we thought possible.
No. No, they do not eat everything. They taste everything. They put everything between their lips and test things. But they only eat: chicken feed, rabbit feed, rose bushes, timothy hay, alfalfa, goat food, and dry leaves. When they find dry leaves it's like a ravenous French man with a pack of potato chips... an eagerness and noise that seems inconceivably pronounced for potato chips.
Also, they sniff things.
I guess the lavender smelled good enough to eat...
School is out after five days. Until then, I am whirring and stirring, and dreaming of days, and nights, in dappled light.