Unstress Me, Please

Hand over the secret formula. I need the power of unstress. We cannot find a library book. I SPY Treasure Hunt is missing. Hey, that's sort of ironic... I wish I could spy the I SPY book. Humor is not undoing my stress. The house is clean, so why is 1 book so impossible to locate? Seriously, can anyone explain why when we need to find something (keys, wallet, cell phone, library book, nose ring, bundt pan) it remains lost, very inexplicably and profoundly lost?

After much effort in searching Max sighed and said, "Well, I guess it's anywhere we haven't looked." This particular lost article is especially vexing because it is Max's lost library book. Max is diligent, responsible, organized, orderly. Max knows the book was near his bed. Now we don't know what the book is near, but it certainly is anywhere we have not looked yet.

I guess the stress I am experiencing is partly from my bad library Karma. Trying to be a good library patron has been a lifelong ambition. Yet, for as long as I can remember I have failed to fulfill the basic expectations entailed in a library relationship. I have always misplaced books, returned books overdue, owed quarters. This time I resolved to be 100% responsible, efficient, good. I enjoyed library dialogue with the kind women in the library, so that by establishing eye contact and a relationship of trust, I would reinforce my desire to do good. I chose educational, beautifully illustrated and well written books. I separated the borrowed books from our home books and kept them on their shelf. I felt certain that for once my library experience was going to be simple, routine and uncomplicated. Alas. I am undone. Today I must make eye contact again with the kind library women and I must admit my failure.

Here life has provided me with yet another opportunity to pass my knowledge on to my children. "Boys, Maria you too, borrowing is a responsibility and responsibilities must not be taken lightly. We have agreed to take books from the library and we have agreed to return them. The librarians know us, they have helped us and they trust us, and so now we must endeavor to retain their trust by finding the missing book..." and as I tell them all this I must remain calm. They should see the effort it takes to fulfill an obligation, without the drama and teeth gnashing, hair pulling utter frustration from trying to find one frickin' @#$% book. I must show them how to accept consequences with dignity and humility.

Everything is on computer these days. I imagine my 38 year life of library misdemeanors is all on file. I imagine the librarian will type in my whole name, middle name too, like a scolded child, and pages of history will appear on her screen. Every late fee, every missing tome, every misstep will be before her and then the gravity of my sordid past will make her shoulders square and she will suck in her breath and turn slowly to me... Max asked whether we'll be doing any jail time... her look of contempt, of disappointment will be my jail time. I will be caught in her bureaucratic gaze, and writhing in her look of loathing.

Dread, dread, dread, dread.
The library closes at 5.
We've got only 6 hours to find the book.
Everyone. Remain calm.
This is not a drill.

Cold Morning... Warm Memories

Brrrrr.... Because of the time change, I am waking up earlier, but it's way too cold to consider actually getting up to greet the brand new day. The floors are cold, the shower stall is cold, the air is cold, the kitchen is cold. It's all cold and so I pull the covers up around my shoulders and try to think productively. I try to think of what needs to be accomplished, how I might get things done, what I will put off for another day, what needs to be done as soon as possible, where I should go and who I should see.

Then I grope around the bed clothes and under the pillows for the TV remote, and I watch the news. The morning news is my coffee; I need to check on the world as part of my waking up ritual. When an anchor is showing *Dogs that Look Like Celebrities* or debating whether Americans like Diana better than Camilla, then I sigh with relief, because a slow news day beats the hell out of suicide bombings and natural disasters. There are not many slow news days, not really...

Brrrr... it's still cold, especially downstairs, but the day has begun. Max is hungry, so is Maria. William and Alex were brave enough to shower. I guess it's time to gather my productive thoughts and put all my good ideas to work. Rise and shine. Grab a sweater, comb my hair. It's a brand new day. I am sending warm wishes to all, thinking of you and hoping you are enjoying a slow news day, productive thoughts, a tasty breakfast, a bright outlook. Good morning.


Remember I said we've been very busy lately?
Did I mention that before pumpkin carving, after Wild Animal Park, we went to The Big *D?*
Maybe I really am "A-." We played all day and in to the night. Wanna see some more pictures?


Sharpshooters. Not PC? Ah, come on... target shooting is strangely gratifying.


While the boys were hitting fence posts and tombstones, Minnie and I listened to the fiddler playing tunes for Woody and Jessie.


This will always be a favorite memory for me. It warms my heart, and my limbs.

Here's Geoff...
surprised?

You Have A Type A Personality

A You are hyper, energetic, and always on the mood You tend to succeed at everything you attempt And if you don't succeed at first, you quickly climb your way to the top! You could be called a workaholic, but you also make time for fun As long as it's high energy and competitive, you're interested You have the perfect personality for business and atheltic success

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

Personality

How many trivial things can one person find on the internet? Many.
I wonder whether I would have published the results of this *personality* test, if they didn't sound so flattering?

You Have A Type A- Personality

A- You are one of the most balanced people around Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

I am experiencing another calendar wake-up call: It is November! Panic? Maybe. The sun is setting so early, even Geoff and the boys are caught off guard by the sudden darkness. It's already time to countdown the days until Thanksgiving, Christmas, Maria's first birthday, my 29th birthday... just kidding.... Seriously, time is moving. Shakin' and groovin'. Alex wants to be enrolled in a robotics class. My Mom is inviting us to Oregon for Thanksgiving. Max wants to know what kind of party we will be throwing for Maria. Other things are in the works, and so we are in our usual state of limbo. Wait and see. Wait and see. But it helps to know I am "balanced, motivated and focused." It gives me assurance to realize I know how to "kick back and live life to the fullest." Who knew?

Pumpkin Highlights

Out of order. We really have been busy this week. Before Halloween, and costume contests, we had friends over for some pumpkin carving fun. Lots of fun. So even though the order is mixed, I think I should share some highlights and the awesome skills these children possess.


Tamsyn and Gene up to their elbows in pumpkin guts.... eewww!


Max's Specialty: 1 pumpkin, many faces.


Adam and his new friend.


I am loving William's happy pumpkin series.


Okay, Jacob borrowed a pumpkin.


Alex recreated his award winning scorpion design.


Tamsyn with her *white is the new orange* creation.


Holly and Nicholas together, carving a ginormous pumpkin. Gee, is it just me, or is Holly glowing like an expectant mother? Looks like a little Pumpkin's coming soon.

Cute, Scary, Talented :: Halloween

Bloomin'

Tonight I am the Mom's Night Out hostess, which means I have time only for cooking and cleaning. I don't have enough time for cooking and cleaning... but there are also a lot of great pictures to post and interesting things to share.

Okay... we really like Halloween around here, and this year I wanted the boys to put creative effort in to their costumes. We were experimenting with paper mache and Alex made himself armor. He then painted scorpions on each shoulder plate. He drew and cutout a scorpion stencil for his shirt, which he painted red. The costume was LEGO themed in honor of the Shadow Knight. Max gathered all the black and skeletal details he could find to be a fearsome skeleton. He was quite scary. Maria made a fetching flower...



Alex wanted to be at Legoland for their annual Halloween Contest and after the effort he put in to his costume we thought we should oblige him... so yesterday two scary boys and one little flower got up on a stage with about 100 other enthusiastic children and posed before a panel of judges. There were a lot of good and creative costumes, but there could only be 5 winners. "Funniest" was a little girl with an old lady wig and cowgirl boots, a witch's hat and huge glasses. She was cute and original. Most "Imaginative" went to the Lord of the Rings Elf; he was complete with arrows and ears. There was a prize for the boy that came as a LEGO brick, and the overall best costume was for a girl dressed as a candy vending machine. Her costume was quite original. Alex and Max made a very scary duo, and Alex was voted most scary of all! Alex is still beaming with pride. We all feel like winners; Lego gave very generous prizes.


Funny and charming.


Alex was surprised to hear his name called.


Pride. He earned his prize.


3 winners.


... there's more to share, but I better get back in the kitchen.

Trick or Treat!

Maria will be a flower for Halloween.

I had a little coffee, a little lunch, a little nap. I feel a little better.

Cranky. Foul. Sensitive. Testy. Frustrated. Indignant. Misunderstood. Confused. Irritable. Irritating.

Either I am disadvantaged because I live without caffeine, or I am a perfectly reasonable person that is maligned, abused, neglected, unappreciated, ignored, devalued, and taken for granted.

Maybe I should do everyone a huge favor and go get a !@#$in' cup of black coffee. Hold the sugar.

Souvenirs from Kalopa... wish we were there.

Geoff is home. He was away 4 days. We missed him.

He says it rained a lot in Hilo, that there were good enchiladas at the Pumpkin Festival in Waimea, and that Ruth is looking forward to retirement. Gracie and Pearl, the kitty sisters, ate the dried tuna flakes Chango sent them. He went to a barn warming party, and played tennis at HPA. He did not see Clint Eastwood, but at the HPA auction he could have bid on the autographed Million Dollar Baby poster.

He also looked at homes and lots. One lot in particular has got both of us intrigued. It's 5 acres with a gulch along one boundary. It has a beautiful ocean view. Though I have not seen the actual property, I know the area well enough to recall the sweet smell of the old cane fields, and the fruit on the guava trees that grow along the gulch. I know that at that elevation the tropical heat is subdued and pleasant. It rains there; I like that. It's near Ruth and Corm, and town, and a bigger town and not too far from Hilo; I like that too. Five acres is plenty roomy. Room for four children and chickens and Chango, and whoever might come by. Room enough to garden. Room enough to run around and get dizzy, if you are so inclined. Alex says, "If it's near Tutu and Grampa Corm, and it's for sale, then buy it. Just buy it." William agrees. Max reminds us about our promise to take him to Ikea so he can outfit his own room with his own furniture.


There's room for Midnight the horse.

Gee. So I guess all that stands in our way is a willingness to take a huge leap of faith, employment, a tremendous amount of planning, and some work... and that's just to move there. Then we would have to build a house...


Flower. Horizon. Ocean. Would you visit us here?
Didn't Geoff bring home pretty pictures?

I don't know who thought these up or wrote them down, but they sound good enough to share. I'm glad Anne shared them with me.

 
"If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen."

Recipe for a Pity Party:
1. We cruised by El Rancho the other day... saw our old place... nostalgia and heartache
2. Geoff is looking at property in Hawaii... can't say what this will lead to...
3. The Pottery Barn Holiday catalog, full of lovely nesting neatly ideas, arrived yesterday...
4. I can't find an X-acto knife

Okay. I am ready to put it out there. I am ready to confess. I am really, really, really tired of being a renter. And more: I want to unpack my Stuff. I want to settle down, organize, decorate, leave my mark, paint my walls. I want to be in a home that I call my own, and stick a nail in the wall. I want to know where the X-acto knife is, and where my big message board ended up. I want to alphabetize our books, just once. I want our address written in ink.

I want to decorate an adorable baby nursery, and 3 clever rooms for 3 bright boys, or 1 clever room for 3 boys that get along remarkably well. I want to have a compost pile, an irrigated, bunny gated vegetable garden, and a charming little chicken coop with 3 fat hens. I want the right kind of door knobs ( not hooks that catch and tear pockets,) and I want an end to popcorn ceilings and fluorescent lighting. I want to invite you to our house for a long weekend, or tea; there's time and room for either.

I am not neat or tidy, or particularly orderly, but I suspect that this could improve tremendously if we were not so often on the move. Every move is an upheaval, and a do-over. Every move means starting the system of setting up life all over again, and the process is time consuming, mind consuming. I want to give my messy, scattered self a chance at redemption; time in one place to be unpacked, moved in, settled, and somewhat certain that another move isn't 6 months away.

Sigh.

Deep sigh.

Groan.

Please don't send me a bumper sticker like, "This is the First Day of the Rest of Your Life" or "Be Happy, You Whining Middle Class, Materialistic American." I need a few more days to wallow in self pity.

New at the Zoo

Actually, this beautiful carousal is new at The Wild Animal Park.
Maria was enthralled with the painted animals: Lions and tigers and frogs, oh my!
When she got to ride she was really thrilled.


The Lion Camp is an exhibit we have been eager to visit. We saw it last December when we went at night for the sledding, but it was dark and cold. How busy are we? It took nearly a year to get our act together, but was it ever worth the effort. I half expected to have to search to see the lions. There were three sitting content as kitties against the window. The dozens of kindergartners and flashing cameras were not annoying enough to cause a feline retreat. They stretched, yawned, and gazed at us indifferently. They might have politely meowed: "Thanks, but no. We already ate."


Three big cats let us get up close and personal. Nice kitty. We fed the deer. We fed the coots and ducks. We even could have fed the giraffes. Happily, we did not feed the lions.


We also fed the lorikeets. For a cup of nectar these little guys are happy to land on your hand, shoulder, head... whatever! Free food is their motivation.


I don't know whether William appreciates my little joke, but after shelling out money all day to feed everyone, I thought of posting a sign: Feed Teenager $2.


This was Max's favorite part of the day.