Friday, September 09, 2005

Recovering in Chaos

Look who's found a home!
Patrick L. Cat is now happily a member of the Adam, Jacob, Anne and Dave family!

I always wondered how real writers got away with telling their whole truths or their fictionalized truths. How do they write about sex, or dark thoughts, or about a man that except for a beard entirely resembles an uncle everyone is ashamed of? Who do they embarrass? How do they keep from embarrassing themselves?

Yesterday's entry left a reader quite concerned... someone wonders if I 'share too much, if I need help, if I am defining my life too graphically... what do the children feel?'

Blogging is weird. Writing is weird. The truth is really weird. There is a lot going on in anyone's life and I can't believe that I am the only one that has messes, challenges, slumps. Emphasizing the bright side of life is good, but I think it creates a false impression to exclude the rest of the process. Roses have thorns and puppies make poop. Vacations create laundry... it's a Yin-Yang thang.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and alone. And sometimes I feel like I can't do anything right. There are times when things are chaos. I have weaknesses and vulnerabilities, shortcomings, deficiencies. To say nothing of the chaos would be a huge omission... a glaring untruth. And what do the children feel? I should ask them, but I hope they feel my unconditional love, my determination, my ability to try again until it comes out right, my humor, my humanity. I hope they feel that life is good and sometimes bad or difficult, but always worthwhile. I hope they feel free to express joy and sorrow, and to know that living is a process that is not as neat and clean as a Pottery Barn catalog. Maybe I am defining my life too graphically; thank God I censor myself as much as I do. I certainly need help; who doesn't? I always wonder if I am 'sharing too much,' but I can't help myself... ( I do have some idea of what it means to share too much. For example: I've resisted the urge to share that when my deodorant fails I smell a lot like a skunk.)

Geoff got his phone replaced and the Verizon guy was even able to retrieve all the phone numbers Geoff was storing. Alex found my keys. They were on the table by the door. I should have remembered that I put them there, so it would be easy to find them when I came home. We ate a late breakfast at Pipe's and then shopped for groceries at our favorite store. I slept very well last night, which I needed, and it's done a lot to help my cold. I also downloaded our pictures. They were fun to see, because we did so much in one week I had forgotten about half of it.

And the laundry is nearly finished. I'm glad we replaced Bob's washer with our own. I really like my washing machine. And I like that when I unpacked Max's swim trunks clumps of sand hit the floor and poured across the pile of sorted whites, because it reminds me that on our last day in Hawaii we decided to go to a beach and swim, and then we hiked along the coast and found another beach with white sand and clear water where a turtle was swimming, and the waves gave us perfect rides.

Chaos is the confused unorganized state of primordial matter before the creation of distinct forms.

How about some more pictures?

More aloha memories: *click here*
And also: *here*

Thursday, September 08, 2005

We are home. It's chaos, so it must be home.

Geoff's phone broke on Saturday, and now I have no way to reach him and beg him to come home, because I can't find where we put my car keys, so I can't go buy groceries and we are really, really hungry. Did I mention we were all sick on our vacation? I think it was a vacation. We were somewhere new everyday and there are 3 suitcases of sandy laundry. After we get rid of congestion, fleas, 42% of the mess, and download 421 pictures then I will tell all about our adventures in Hawaii.

Geoff, seriously: Phone HOME!