Not far from home, up the coast a bit, we went to see about
a school for Max; he has a decision to make, from some really good choices. (That's my "humble brag" for a young man who has worked diligently, exceptionally, and deserves tremendous recognition for his efforts.) We decided to make an occasion of our visit, and spent the night before in a hotel. Maria swam in a nice pool, we walked all over Balboa Island, had dinner out, explored neighborhoods, and points of interest... like a game and comic store. While Max and I went to an official reception, and Q & A seminars, Geoff and Maria walk around campus, touring. For the record:
Maria likes both UCSD and UCI. She would like to be at 'a quiet school where she can study programming and art.' I love her foresight and calm reflection. Max, too, has been calmly reflecting, as he weighs his options, with foresight and reason; I trust he will make a good choice.
{In another, anonymous, perhaps private blog... I'd confess my own insecurities and self-doubts, because while I am keenly aware that this phase, this transition, is about Max, his future, his life, I cannot help but feel twinges, growing pangs, of my own. And I wonder:
Why don't we have showers, ceremonies, for parents who have made it through colic, first steps, all the unexpected paths and detours, dirty socks, love, traditions, bonding, adolescence, college apps? Parents should gather around a campfire, or beneath the full moon, or both. We should howl and cry and laugh, and praise each other for what has been achieved, and to ponder what lies ahead. Tips, referrals, hugs, and commiseration would be much appreciated. I wouldn't ask my child to be there... to see me teary and immodestly recanting all the hurdles, late nights, successes, fears, doubts, joys, the moments I am loath to see slip away. I love being a mother, I love the children we have, who they are, and who they are becoming, and nothing about this "phase" has me hastening an end, a finish line. So... maybe I am going to need a nudge, a gentle, compassionate way to move into the changes we are facing, to let go a little more. Yes, all of this could be safely shared on a private blog, where my sentimental, proud, a bit anxious and over-thinking musings could be discreetly pondered, contemplated. Otherwise, it's all bit too much.}
Every bit of parenting has been a joy for me... yes, even the hard bits, because they put me in awe of what is possible, of the power of love to carry us forward. In each of our children's lives I have been witness to stories unfolding, developing, and each new chapter has me enthralled. No two stories the same, but each compelling and dear to me. I am honored to be connected to these people, to know them, to love them, and be loved by them. It does
go quickly... if you have toddlers, or a baby, I am sure plenty of people have warned you. Well, it's true. Suddenly, all of my hopes and time, and theories are applied, tested, and I have an individual standing before me, and it's time to release him, to step back and see him shine brighter, on his own... maybe a
bit more on his own. {I am the one taking baby steps, now~}