Wednesday, July 22, 2020

Thinking of You

My Aunt Liz shared a post on FB, about dementia and "ambiguous loss." Ambiguous loss is loss without closure, without clear understanding, and it can happen in many ways, including through dementia, Alzheimer's, infertility, depression, disappearance of a loved one, and I think a failure of justice, extreme disruption of "normal," like in a pandemic, or because of systemic racism. I imagine, a lot of us are experiencing some degree of ambiguous loss these days. I think about friends and family who are isolated, who have suffered trauma, who are anxious, and when I expand these thoughts to the world, to all of us... well, it's too much! I think of our needs, for compassion, for support, for aid, and relief, for justice, for simple kindness. I think of how thin we are spread, each of us in our own ways. These are not easy times, and I think that even when we do get real leadership, and some respite from violence, division, this pandemic, and tyranny, we will need even more healing and good will than ever.

The world feels fragile, and problems are too many, too big. I've had conversations with friends where inevitably one of us apologizes, aware that our troubles might be a burden on the other, because everyone is struggling, everyone is having a hard time, and it might feel selfish, or asking too much to share what we are feeling, our worries. I feel so fortunate, because whether I am expressing my unrest, frustration, or someone is sharing theirs, we have taken turns, listening, reassuring, comforting, supporting each other. And that, simply listening, acknowledging one another, makes all the difference. I wish there were a bigger solution, a bolder insight, but this will have to do, for now... it helps to be heard, to be seen, and it helps to listen, to acknowledge. We cannot fix everything, and we can't manage everything... I remind myself, sigh, and resolve to keep it simple, listen, make small differences, do what I can, as best as I can. I think of love, and kindness, and resolve to make my choices and actions motivated by those.

I am thinking of you, friends, and strangers. I am wishing you well, and I am looking forward to gatherings, to an ease of tension, and a restoration of the good pastimes and traditions we have shared, and a rebuilding of things that should have been made fair, just, and good for all, in the first place.