Saturday, November 06, 2010

I am My Own Chica

Please do not think I am hosting a pity party, but there are some thoughts nagging to get out of my head...

So. About yesterday.
1. I do like Farm Chicks.

2. I do Love Christmas.

3. Playing along, promoting someone else's book, blog, life…
well, it just seemed like a fun thing to do. It seemed like a blogger thing to do.

4. I felt bad about making it less interesting than I had envisioned.
a. Maria is very sick, and I got it too. Sleep and comfort are rare commodities these days.
b. Crunch mode has begun, and we do not have Geoff's company most of the week.

5. I posted anyway, making the most of what little time, and energy I had.

6. I enjoyed reflecting on those particular memories and activities that I especially love.

7. I enjoyed anticipating what I hope we can enjoy this year.

8. But Chickenblog went out of her league.
8.5 I feel foolish.

9. I feel like a blog slut.
blog slut noun 1. a woman that offers her time and blog space for the promotion of strangers, in exchange for possible blog traffic, feedback, vicarious feeling of being part of the inner sanctum of elite bloggers.

10. My part in some other person's party was basically unnecessary. (With the happy exception of my chat with Miriam.)

11. I would (and may still) take the post down, but I have a long standing tradition of being painfully honest with myself, and I think the post serves to remind me that my efforts, my ideas, feelings, and creations, belong to me, and are best shared only with and for the people that actually appreciate them. I was not disingenuous in the post, but I think I was playing in the wrong league.

18 comments:

  1. That is ok Maria. I go through similar feelings sometimes. Especially when I mention Angela Cartwright on my kitty blog it just feels kind of bad afterwards... even though I do it cause I am a big fan of hers.... And I really want everybody to go see and read her blog!

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  2. Exactly. Some blogs get big, too big for the host to possibly keep up with comments, and I get that. But there are also bloggers that, frankly, are just creating window dressing for their own business or self promotion. Bloggers who make no effort to connect with readers, or to build the web of connections that is the core and original meaning of WEB-LOGGING, are missing a special, key component of weBlogging. Of course there are no rules, and I simply need to remind myself to keep it real, to do what feels right, and makes sense for Chickenblog. You are a sincere blogger, and your interests and kindness make it a pleasure to share the blogosphere with you. Thank you.

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  3. Oh, I think you are too hard on yourself. Your blog is wonderful, and very real. It's okay that you're less happy with some posts than others - that happens to all of us, and if we didn't experiment and wander down a few different paths, how would we know what feels right?

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  4. Thank you Miriam... I just wish I hadn't been so preoccupied with making the post hinge on another person's work, and agenda. So, my lesson is learning that personal success for my blog cannot necessarily come from meeting the needs of another person's blog. I have made wonderful connections, and been generously acknowledged through blogging, but I think in this instance I was too eager to participate in something that I am not really a part of.

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  5. For a while I was focused on spreading the word as it were about my blog but let it go.It just felt wrong and it was not me.It happens we get these ideas sometimes that don't truly fit who we are and then we snap out of it.
    I love your blog and reading your voice.Sometimes I laugh and some times I leave your blog feeling a bit more "normal" Thanks for sharing your ups and now your down.

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  6. Hi Natalie - just so you know (and I went back to read it again) I didn't think the post sounded disjointed! You shared your Christmas tradition, which I really enjoyed reading about! I'm not sure why you're beating yourself up, but I do understand getting in over your head w/ a post. I did that w/ a shopping webpage giveaway a couple months ago. But keep up your good work! I love your posts! : )

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  7. I've had the original Farm Chicks In The Kitchen book and love it. However I pre-ordered the Christmas one and recieved it a month ago. I was very dissapointed... Maybe my expectations were too high, but it seemed to really lack the stories and ideas that the first one had. I wish I would have looked through it before buying it...just saying.
    Anyway,Your blog and thoughts are much more fun to read about and I do not think you could be a blog slut even if you tried :)

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  8. Rois... thank you. I love that there is a community of wonderful people that I can be engaged with, and connect with, that it feels genuine. I cannot deny that sometimes I want to play in the big leagues and get the kind of attention that affirms my presence in blogging, but it does not seem to be in the cards.

    Carmar... thank you. I just felt like I (happily) played along for the sake of promoting someone else's work, and was not appreciated for it. Maybe I imposed. Maybe they are simply too big-busy to notice.

    I have been trying to be delicate in what I write about how I feel about posting for FC, and it's not about being disappointed in my post per se, but in giving an effort that so far has not been acknowledged by the circle I was aiming to seek approval from. The mistake was in seeking the approval of people who I do not know, who do not know me.

    Anonymous... darn. I bought the wrong book? This really is turning in to learning lesson! Thank you, whoever you are. You made me feel better about my *almost slutty* self.

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  9. Oh! Now I get it,maybe you were feeling like the new kid on the block who wanted to play with the other kids who were not even noticing you.
    Ouch Chica,just because we are grown ups dose not mean we don't want our peers to see and include us. Been there!

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  10. *bingo!* Ouch is right. But I gotta say, when other people understand, at least I feel simply human, and less and less like an utter and complete dork!

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  11. Gotchya! No dorkiness, totally normal, well, Natalie normal, which may differ from Carrie normal, which may differ from Susan normal, etc, etc, which makes normal rather unique.

    (Run on sentences can be fun!) : )

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  12. Natalie, hi...I don't know if this makes you feel any better, but I just discovered your blog through Farm Chick...she has you linked in her side bar...I otherwise would not have learned of your awesome blog. I, too, have to remind myself occasionally why I am blogging. I do it for my creative self and to create a written legacy of the love I have for my family and my life. I guess I'm too new to blogging to notice any hierarchy or elite circle of bloggers. I plan to enjoy my ignorance to this as long as possible! Happy November!

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  13. I'm not completely in total-thinking mode, but I don't see the problem with your last post. You introduced a book that you recommend, one that I had never heard of that sounds interesting, and you added on to the post with something about you and your family's traditions. Don't beat yourself up.

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  14. Hmmm.... maybe Natalie Normal is a synonym for Dork, and I say this with a grin.

    Lisa, it's nice to meet you, and I am glad you found Chickenblog at Farm Chicks. Serena has created an amazing blog and crafting community. She is a talented, hard working woman. I make this statement only from what I have seen on her blog, as I have not (yet) read her book. I simply wanted to feel like a part of the event she was hosting, when in reality I was just volunteering my enthusiasm for someone I do not know. And *cringe*: I got embarrassed when I realized that I was sort of the wallflower at the virtual party. I feel goofy about it. You're new to blogging? I hope you always find welcoming friends, inspiration, and support, as I have.

    Dallas... I am done with that phase of my lesson. No more beating myself up. Thank you. I love and totally recognize your phrase: "not completely in total-thinking mode..." that is mom-talk for sure!

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  15. You are keeping it real. I agree with you that the bloggers who are mainly about promoting their business -- it just feels different on their sites.

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  16. Hi Nat, I know how you feel and sometimes we put ourselves out there hoping for that all elusive recognition from the "Big girls". I gotta tell you, I have felt the same way at times. I have done a similar thing and hoped for a connection. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I have made at least one Big Girl friend and she is an amazing person. Maybe doing this keeps us humble,eh? I love your blog and your family and your self (even when in full dork mode, as I can certainly relate to that!!) XOXO

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  17. It's quite an honor, really, to be running in these circles -- http://allsorts.typepad.com/allsorts/2010/11/syko-book-tour-starts-today-and-a-gobble-good-giveaway-.html

    And you don't know til you try, right?

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  18. I am new to your blog- just found it today. I too think you are being hard on yourself. Your blog is a reflection of you and it is beautiful. I like what I have read so far. Your kids and your obvious devotion to them. The honest way you speak.

    Celebrate you!

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