Sunday, May 01, 2005

On his way home from a morning with his friends, Geoff called me. He likes to call me when he is on his way home. Sometimes we get so involved in our chat we'll still be on the phone with each other when he is already home and climbing up the stairs. Our relationship is fairly phone dependent. When I was 16 I sat in the UCSD family housing laundry room and with only 1 dime we talked for hours(?) We talked a lot.

Today we talked about our options. Our future. He offered to let me find a home in the Bay Area, so I could be close to my brother. He said he would find work wherever I want to live: "I'll make it work somehow, so you decide." I decided to think about it. Thinking about our future is as much as we've been able to come up with so far. He is finishing work on the game, and we'll see that through, but by mid-July we need a plan. We do have options, and there is a great blessing in this, but it is not always easy to clearly see what the best choices are. I think we'll be on the phone quite a bit.

Lately I have been trying to formulate a comprehensible (is comprehendible the better word?) essay about families and the changes that happen when families move apart. I want to explore the changing dynamics... this pie still isn't ready. My thoughts are half baked and though I strongly want to talk about my deep thoughts I can't convince myself that I am making any sense. It's bad enough that I frequently confuse myself, there's no point in dragging innocent readers through the mess. I will say this much: I think the family that I grew up with has so utterly changed and evolved that I need to come to terms with the new reality and move forward with my own destiny, while dragging my own children along for the ride... (that last part is supposed to be ironic and sort of humorous.)

On the phone, Geoff asked "Are you alright? You kind of sounded like you're at the end of your rope."

And I answered, "Ya well, maybe, but I keep losing so much hair that I just weave it to the end of my rope, and hang on."

Maybe we should do like the Jones: Jones Odyssey to the Caribbean

No comments: