Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Older and Wiser?

Nothing confuses, frustrates and distresses me more than my birthday. Except taxes. And the wrapping on a DVD. Oh, and choosing paint color. I digress.

Nothing confuses, frustrates and distresses me more than my birthday. My birthdate falls in the void between Christmas and New Year's Eve. People are tired, shopped and partied out, out of town... etc. It's too soon after the big build up of the holidays to imagine one more party-celebration-cause for gift wrapping. We have gifted all we can. We need time and space to replenish our stores of good will and party stamina. Who can bear to look at another cheese platter? I know. I understand. This is why it's been eleven years since I last offered myself a party in my honor.

I was going to say more, but at this point confusion and distress are seeping in to my thoughts. Do I really want a party? How about just a take out container of sauce slathered ribs, some onion rings and one of Geoff's Margaritas? I could invite my most tolerant friends over to alternately cry and laugh over a ridiculously rich chocolate cake.

I am confussed. I cannot spell. Oh dear. I really am getting old. All my girlfriends have been warning me about reading glasses... how in your forties everyone needs reading glasses. I still hadn't noticed, until recently when I realized that I have no idea what I am shaving under my arms. I am armpit blind. Seriously. It probably looks like some cattywampus mow job, or like I have mange.

This is the year I am going to start lying about my age.

My name is Natalie.
How old am I?
Why, I am fifty years old tomorrow.
What's that?
I don't look a day over 43?
You're so sweet.
Have a Margarita.

****Uh... evidently lying about my age was not such a hot idea... I am getting sympathy and encouragement. I must actually look closer to 50 than I thought.****


judy in ky said...

Ribs, onion rings, margaritas and chocolate cake... sounds like a great menu to me! Fifty isn't so bad. I did stop counting at sixty, though. Have a happy birthday!

Em said...

Happy Birthday, Natalie! I can't believe you'll be 50... I would be surprised if folks thought you are over 40! I hope you have a wonderful birthday!

nikkipolani said...

I'm glad you aren't lying about your age -- every age has its wonders. May your 50s be the best ever.

Lesley said...

Fifty? I don't believe it!
When I met you mid-08, I reckoned you were mid to late 30s — though I realise that would have made you a mere teenager when you had William!
Fifty is good.
Turning thirty, for me, was the tragedy. (The end of my twenties? Oh, say it isn't so ... !)

Happy birthday, Natalie. You look wonderful.

Tami @ Lemon Tree Tales said...

Well happy birthday toots! Yes, isn't it odd about the 40s and eyesight? I swear that mine is changing again.

You're going to have to have an unbirthday celebration mid-year instead. :-)

Anna Banana said...

No one believes you could be 43 let alone 50. Wasn't I in your presence when you were carded recently?

Thanks for letting your forgetful BFFs off the hook for forgetting your bday. May it be full of wonderful surprises.

Tonia said...

Happy Birthday Natalie!!!
I laughed out loud over your comment about shaving your armpits. What is the saying? Growing old is not for wimps, or something like that. Embrace your age. The years, thus far have shaped you into the wonderful, funny, slightly warped (in the best possible way) woman you are today! I hope you celebrate with good food, family and friends and the knowledge that the best is yet to come.

Julie said...

Wishing you the most happy of all happy birthdays! Let's ALL eat chocolate cake in celebration of your day!!!

lusks said...

Hope you have a very happy day, age is all in the mind. PS you don't look 50!!!

Lesley said...

So that was all made up.
I take it all back.
You look 43!

Laura Jane said...

Happy birthday sweetie.

I have no idea how old you REALLY are, but if there's cake involved I'M IN!!!!

Hope you have a great day

x x x x x x

Jennifer said...

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?" So asked the brilliant Satchel Paige (or so they say). And I personally do not believe that any of your friends or family would be anything other than delighted to celebrate your birthday with you -- I think this is a time when everyone is very much in the mood to keep the party going, to have another excuse to eat, drink, and be merry, to use the wrapping paper since it's all still out and handy anyway, to wear the fun holiday garb that otherwise won't see light of day for another year.

Have, and make, a happy happy birthday! And yes, please, a margarita sounds lovely!

Julie said...

Natalie, you don't need to post this comment, but had to say that when I read this post the first time, it was before you had added the disclaimer at the end. It wasn't until I had posted a comment later in the day, that I went back and noticed what you added.

I was shocked when I thought you were announcing you were 50! I truly was in disbelief (and a little envious) figuring you must be really, really well preserved or with excellent genes if that was your true age....OR (sadly), I at 49 just look unusually OLD for my age!

I hope you are having the most wonderful birthday surprises and feel as loved and special as you deserve, sweet Natalie.
xox Julie

Sara said...

Well, whatever you do, or have done, to celebrate, or not, I wish you a very happy birthday! I'm glad you were born, because I enjoy reading your blog and laughing along with your wonderful sense of humor.

Oh, and I'm so glad I'm not the only one suffering from that pesky armpit problem - tee hee!

Tiglizzyclone said...

Happy Birthday Natalie! I am sure that your not that old!!

Simone said...

50? You must be kidding?!
I've only just "met" you this year, but I'm always enjoying your insightfullness. I've become a mother this year and I wish I could be half the wonderful mother that you are! I'll be raising my glass on you Bday tonight here in Holland! (and I'm planning to stay at Rabbit Hill this summer with my "fiancé" (yeah!!) and daughter!)

Mama Spark said...

Happy birthday dear friend. I think celebrating our birthdays is a good thing, certainly better than the alternative, lol. I hope you have a great year!

Oiyi said...

Happy New Year! What a wonderful year in review.