Looking Up :: Forty Five

Yesterday I took the occasion to mindfully, guiltlessly, enjoy my loves. I fixed everyone a big breakfast, and Geoff sat with us before leaving for work. I baked bread, prepared a pot roast, and made lemon bars. I visited a bit with each of my children, listened to them, watched them, loved them. I let the chickens run in the yard... away from their run, because the fence is still down. I crocheted, and crocheted. This I did between washing dishes, or while onions sautéed, the crust for the lemon bars par-baked, the dough was rising. And every time I felt apologetic, or contrite, I said, 'Never mind. Love what you do, do what you love.' It just seemed like the right thing to believe. I finished watching Ken Burns' The Roosevelts, falling in love with Eleanor. {Toward the end of her life she returned to Campobello Island, and there was a photograph of her picnicking in her favorite spot. I would love to have that image hanging in my home, to remind me of how accomplished and lovely she was, to see her looking inspiring and remarkable, just sitting against a tree. She looked serene, in spite of tragedy, and long years, and the image gives me a feeling of aspiration in the grace of her countenance.} After dark, we opened packs of cyalumes, tied them to strings, and twirled them, spinning them into glowing light shows. We discussed how many minutes it was before our display could be seen from Mars. I admit, throughout the day, I felt something a bit between melancholy and woebegone, akin to hiraeth. I miss family, I struggle with my sense of purpose and worth. I hesitate to say 'it's been a hard year,' because haven't we all suffered a bit? And besides, it feels as though some weights are falling off, and things are looking up, and reaching for that, believing, offers solace.

Perhaps this would be a good place to add some Eleanor quotes...

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.

In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.

The giving of love is an education in itself.

It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.


With Infinity More Monkeys, a picture a day.