Tuesday, January 15, 2019

January 8-14

January 8 ::

I should ask Maria for the name of the boy standing beside her in the metal shop. It's the second day of Build and these rookies, Maria and Lucas, are taking directions from their mentor, Myron.

I recognize George, Maria, and Josh.

Blake and Jana.

Lots going on after our winter break, like repairing our mangled driveway, by digging out the roots that raise the asphalt and break the water pipes. This is, naturally, a massive project, and it's all hands on deck, which is our usual style. And another thing, my Christmas present is under construction-assembly! On IG I made people guess, but I'll just blurt it out, here: A ginormous swing! As dreamt of and requested, I am getting a swing tall enough to make me feel 6 years old! SQUEEEE!

January 9 ::
Drop-off. Pick-up. Busy, long days are the standard. I love that I am able to bring them to school, pick them up. We connect and decompress, prepare, and engage during these times.

Alex made a thing. That's a silly way we have of stating it... made a thing. It's an awesome thing, and it was another of the awesome gifts I received for Christmas. I love that he works for Addison!

Any number of things must have been happening this day... another subpoena, or call from an attorney, maybe trying to make sense of insurance. Yes. Yes, I think this was after 2 hours on the phone, learning that our car insurance has no less than 5 unique departments that have different expectations and requirements to handle the accident. Time to make the counseling appointment...

(I am writing this post in April, and I am hesitant to share this moment, except, I want, desperately, to believe that I am progressing. It's still hard. I've had two panic attacks this week. I am being treated for PTSD. I'm going to physical therapy twice a week, and see a counselor. I wear a night guard now, because nightmares have me clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth. There are more issues and struggles I could list, but what I want to remember and focus on is how much I am doing to recover. It's no small thing for me to accept help, to seek help, to be vulnerable, to act on faith that my fears and doubts can and should be addressed by professionals. Sometimes, my own insecurities, shame, and desire to be private, are as hard to overcome as the symptoms I am so eager to manage, banish. Trauma is insidious.)

January 10 ::
Home. Sometimes, it's a good idea to take a picture of what's "normal," the usual.

And it's always a good idea to take pictures of the garden.

January 11 ::
On a walk, Alex and I wandered into a gem and crystal shop. I didn't buy any calcite. I held a piece in my hand, tempted. I am not sure if a believe a rock, even a pretty one, can actually help self-worth, and recovery from overwhelming situations, but I took some comfort in recognizing that a lot of us are struggling to find answers and support, that I am not alone, and it's perfectly fine to do what helps... hold a rock, talk to a counselor, take more naps, draw rats.

January 13 ::

Max and Alexi... if you hang out here, there's a good chance we are going to put you to work. But we will feed you, too, and let you play with our robots, so all is fair, I think.

Making a ginormous swing-set takes planning. A lot of planning.

Swing-set and playground research.

William made a magnet of his 3D-printed Prancing Pony.

January 14 ::
Meet S'more. I still miss our Jet-Puff. When you have a van you named for a marshmallow, and you get another van... you might name it S'more. It's a very good van.

Maria doodles on her papers. Both her writing and her doodles are very good.

(This post was back-blogged on April 25, 2019.)

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