Friday, January 14, 2022
Back to It
Life continues with its twists and turns. I am thankful that this morning I had focused my thoughts on distilling the goodness, on centering my heart, my mind, on whatever is working, feels safe, can be managed. I had this elaborate post all worked up, and then I talked myself down. Process that, I reminded myself. Refine the message, and get to the particulars, the certain points that highlight good moments, progress, comfort. It's not hard for me to get overwrought, these days. I edited pictures off of my phone, happy that I found more than screenshots of memes, and soundbites. I thought about Maria back in school, the start of a new robotics season. I relished sharing a nursery visit, my intentions there. All of this is with mindful focus, and deliberate, as I also handled business emails, and dealt with a contentious miscommunication. Then a text came through, a death in the family. The emotions, and complications, the dystopian surrealism that has proliferated our lives... it's hard to believe, to take in. I am sad for his passing, for his children, and grandchildren, for his siblings. I admit that my own sorrow is for my younger self, who I was when I knew him better. And the sorrow is for the inconceivable future we find ourselves in. I could not have foreseen how strange things would become, how difficult. When we were children, traveling to El Valle was hard, a long journey, but nothing to compare with the obstacles, barriers, risks, and divides, literal and figurative, that stand in the way today.
I will focus on those particulars, my faith, and the happiest recollections, the good times, the small moments that can be so vivid, so imbued with hope, that they prevail, even over time, and loss, and grief.
Love Yourself, And the World. ~Bryce W.
Maria recognized her friend's message, written in chalk, at school. The flowers and heart-faced smiles are a sure giveaway. Bryce is a hearts and flowers life poet. It's a good message. All of these pictures, these moments, are good messages, reminding me of friendships, connections, of funny exchanges, and exquisite natural beauty, and silly beauty, and life's rhythms, the things we get to experience and share, like birding season, robotics season, the next sunrise. Who knows what unforeseen struggles we will face, but thank you, Life, and God, and friends, for the particulars that keep me hoping, and help me get back to it.