Monday, March 04, 2024

Not Planned

I was feeling a groove about posting again, and so pleased that I had even figured out some long standing mysteries with the code. This recent absence, sudden and long, was not planned.
One thing that made me reluctant to blog in recent years are the issues around "over sharing" and particularly sharing things that aren't my story to tell. Right now is one of those times. We are in the midst ofcoping with a sad and tragic event that happend two weeks ago. It has been traumatic, for many people, including (especially) Maria. And it has had ripple effects, that were initially more like crashing waves. The event was sudden, unexpected, sad, traumatic, and the waves have caused a long, hard list of big changes, painful decisions, and difficult challenges, plus grief.

Vague posts can be so annoying! I know. And it begs the question Why say anything at all? I am sharing something, anything, because this is genuine, this is our reality. It is, as yet, too tragic, too proximate and fragile and awful to disclose fully. It is too all consuming and central to everything we have been doing for 13 days, to deny or surpress.

I wish... many things. But one is that I had taken the time to put into words how lucky I felt as a mother of a young woman in college. I felt, everyday, that I could not have asked for, nor imagined, a more ideal housing experience for Maria. From the begininng, up until last week, it felt safe and healthy. These four young women, sharing an apartment on campus, were responsive and respectful, kind, mindful. The first year was such a happy arrangement, that they applied to be roommates, again, this year. My mind was at ease, my heart was thankful. I wish I had shared posts about the dinners they cooked together, the celebrations they made, how they regularly checked in with eachother, yet were mindful of eachothers' privacy, personal space. I wish I had shared at least one or two pictures of these bright, young women, being so capable, so happy.

For now... please, share your time and caring, whenever you can. Check in on your friends, even the ones that always seem so happy. We have been through hard years, maybe our young adults especially. I'm not sure they understand that things can get better, or that they matter more, to more people, than they may be able to comprehend. Tragedy can make horrible waves, and kindness can makes waves and ripples, too. We could all use more of those gentle, supportive waves... the kind that lift us up, bouyant, warm.


Anonymous said...

I’m sorry for your sad things which aren’t yours to share but are nonetheless yours to experience. :( I wish happier moments to you and yours.

Natalie, the Chickenblogger said...

Thank you... there is a kind of relief in being understood, acknowledged. Thankfully, these are not situations we typically find ourselves in, and that's a relief, but it also makes it hard to navigate, to process, to define and comprehend. I think it adds to the stress, even the bewilderment in grief... everything gets turned around, and I feel like a jet-lagged traveler, arriving in the wrong city. I don't know the language or have the currency, in fact, I didn't even know I would be making a trip.
Thank you for your kind wishes... we have been able to find some of those happier moments. I think the whole world could use more of those!

Little Dorrit does... said...

Thinking of you, and beautiful Maria, and wishing you well. x

Natalie, the Chickenblogger said...

Thank you, Amelia.
Some days it feels like I am doing just fine. Today is hard, so going back to comments, like yours, gives me a glimmer... and that feels so welcome, and good.

Anonymous said...

Big hug.

Ruth said...

Oh, Natalie, I had no idea you were still posting on Chicken Blog. I Just checked out CB on impulse tonight and was shocked to see these fairly recent posts. CB seems like such a part of you, so it's good to see you engaging again. I'm enjoying getting caught up a bit. It's good to see a little more intimate photos and your observations of your life and the goings-on up there in North County. I hope you're in a good place. I'm thinking of you.