Monday, August 20, 2007

Where Are We Going?

We are stardust
We are golden
And we've got to get ourselves
Back to the garden

-Joni Mitchell

There's been no time to figure out how to get the iMac to download pictures. The only method that works is so slow and plodding, so ridiculous, that I cannot bear it... and there is no time. Sigh. Trivial frustration.

This has been the kind of week that is both tragic and affirming. The death of a friend has left us stunned and sad, and we are doing all we can to ease the grief of his family.

Every time I feel overwhelmed or frustrated with the usual chores and obligations, the things I have to get done, I feel horrible and guilt-ridden, because of course too much laundry, clutter on the stairs, losing track of this and that, is nothing compared with losing a loved one.

And still I am faced with the usual things... so, I sigh and give thanks, because life is full, and the details and duties go hand in hand with the blessings. We cannot always keep pace with our work, our dusting and filing... and really, in the best of circumstances I am not very good at keeping-up. Does it matter? A bit, yes. Mostly I just want to pull over and appreciate the flowers growing along the roadside, like I did on our road trip.

I am not on a long drive now, like last week. I stopped to see horses, elk, tractors and geese. I stopped to look for agates and really wasn't even sure what I was looking for. (Agates on beaches are not labeled "Pick me up, I am an Agate!") I cannot park the car, get out and peek into a roadside thrift shop or stand amid redwoods and breath in tree scented air, so instead I sew a little and clean a little, I cook a little and write a little, and I look around for Geoff and I hold his hand a lot.

So much is left unsaid. My mind wanders. My heart is heavy. Everything will be okay, in time.


Aimee said...

I'm sorry for your loss.

Tami @ Lemon Tree Tales said...

Oh Natalie, I'm so sorry at the loss of your friend.

kimberly sherrod said...

aww, sugah! I wish I could make you some macaroni and cheese and banana bread and coconut cake and anything comforting right now. I know that it doesn't really help, but its a part of life. The death. We are never prepared for it. After my last drive up to Tallahassee, I told Fred that if I should die on the highway in a fiery crash(I am so dramatic) would he promise to go on my Blog and let everyone know what happened to me. He promised. I felt relieved because I know that should something sudden happen then all my cyber friends will know and won't think I disappeared or was kidnapped by aliens. Its all so impermanent somehow. fleeting. That's why each moment we hug or hold hands or kiss or say I love you is so important. Let your family heal you and help the hurt get better. If I could I would bake away your blues.

kimberly sherrod said...

thank you for the Queen Ann's Lace.It's so beautiful and there isn't any in my part of Florida

Natalie said...

Aimee, Tami, Kim... thank you for your kind thoughts. It feels so good to hear words of comfort, to know you care. Life is better with friends.

Tracy said...

Oh, my heart breaks for you over your prayer and love to you, your family and the family & friends your friend has left behind...Know that with these mere, tiny words, many hugs are coming your way, like a cozy patchwork quilt that will keep you warm until you are healed. Know that we are all here for you. The usual everyday things are important, yes...But even more so is the time to stop and say I love you, I care...Take the time to stop along the roadside--you might not pass by the beauty again. Eat that brownie, dance to your fave song on the radio, walk barefoot in the grass...It will be those you enjoy and remember more than folding laundry or filing away, etc. With my Gram passing two weeks ago, I realize even more how fleeting it all is, and that life is so short and precious. Life throws a lot of strange and sometimes very painful things our way. There is also lot of good too. Like family & friends. May the love that surrounds you lift you up...We are helping you all the while :o) ((HUGS))

Marisa said...

sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you. Your photos are beautiful and peaceful. Thinking comforting thoughts for you.

Tarie said...

I am sorry about the loss, Natalie. I extend my condolences and send you and your family my love and hugs.