Friday, August 15, 2008

Sad Farmer

Help me find the silver lining, the bless in the mess. Through a carefully crafted house of cards, by an elaborate web of lies and denial, I have managed to almost convince myself that Amelia is no cockerel. Sure, she crows, but not every morning. And yes, she is really big and bossy, but hey, I'm kind of big and bossy too, yet you can't say I'm a rooster. You better not say I'm a rooster. Amelia has tail feathers that taper and curl, she has stocky legs and an upright, lean torso. She struts. And. And Amelio has started... ummm... loving Betty. Uh-huh, that's a euphemism.

Amelia, the little flier, was named in honor of Amelia Earhart. Today we are changing the name to reflect his gender, and henceforth the Barred Rock fowl living in our backyard is named Carlos. It's a Latin nod to Charles Lindbergh.

And, Carlos needs a new home. Back to the feed store? I don't know. How many roosters are they willing to take back from us? What do they actually do with them? How long will Maria cry? She still asks for Pip. We still think of Sunshine. Will Betty be happy without her best friend? Are the little ones, Buttercup and Fantam, pullets? Why do we wind up with so many roosters? Why did I ever believe we would have our own home by now? I am plagued by unanswered questions.

I am a sad farmer.

You see, I want to believe that we have some power to influence our destiny, to redirect our path. Waiting for the housing bubble to explode, we have deferred too much. We have waited for that future date, when things would fall into place and we could do the things we dream of. It has been a devastating and damaging experiment and in conflict with the idea that we can steer our own ship... Have I mixed metaphors? I know I am rambling. Sorry. My point is (if I have one) I thought that I was taking matters into my own hands, taking hold of the reins... Definitely mixing my metaphors: Ships are not steered by reins. I thought I could move forward with my whims and dreams and that we had waited long enough. I thought our home was just around the corner.

Dang it.

I know. There are a lot of posts like this... sad, tales of woe. I'm not looking for this stuff, and I am not even putting it all out there. I could delete this, and say something about gas prices dropping below $4, or finding a nice pair of pants. Life is a journey and this section of the road just sucks.

Want to change the subject? I really, really want to love "Mama Mia," but the discontinuity and incongruous time line made me nuts. If I ever rent it, I'll watch it with a shot or 2 of Ouzo.


nikkipolani said...

I'm sorry there's no more denying the true gender of Amelio. I'm sure other farmers have disappointments, too. And I love your ending comment ;-)

Anna Banana said...

Does Carlos Amelio have bad manners like Sunshine? If you are only worried about your neighbors complaining, then maybe you should wait until they complain. For all you know, they are hard of hearing.

d.a. said...

If you must get rid of Carlos, try posting him on Craig's List. I was able to get rid of my roos in a jiffy through them. Here's a link to the copy I wrote for the ad... feel free to use all or in part.

campbellgirl said...

Life is unfair sometimes! I've so enjoyed your chickens and your family's fun with them. Even the sad times have not been without merit. It would be sad to see another one go away, but sometimes these things are unavoidable. I wonder what would happen if you went out with the express wish to buy rooster chicks?

(I was sad to hear about Rooster, Steve's pal - our little friends live such short and precious lives.)

Kia kaha Natalie, kia kaha.
(Be strong) xx

Mama Spark said...

Well, at least you have your health, there...does that help? No you say? *SIGH* I tried. I'm of the same mind as some of the others, maybe your neighbors won't care? Maybe someone on Craig's list is just dying for a rooster? Maybe it will be close enough for Maria to visit? Whew, lots of maybes! Sending big hugs to you and the rest of the farmers you live with!

Dani said...

I think you'll have luck with Craigs list. Can't hurt.

ang said...

I can't help with all of your woes but I can maybe help with the Rooster epidemic. I order my chicks through McMurray's

You can order a straight run of females and they are delivered to your local post office.

It'll get better...