Thursday, August 05, 2010

From WHY?... Fresh Air

Good morning.

You cannot know this, but I am whispering. Actually I am not speaking, but as I type out this post, I am imagining the words in a very quiet, hushed voice. This is because everyone is sleeping, and I do not want to disturb the house... the house is sleeping too. All is calm.

Sometime before eleven last night, Alex and William hollered up the stairwell, "Can we watch Batman?" Aren't they good guys? They ask. On a summer night, when we (adults) are falling asleep, and they could probably get away with about anything, they want permission to stay up way too late watching old Batman animations. Why do I love this?

"Yes," was our reluctant reply. Aren't we supposed to insist they go to bed at nine, and wake at dawn, and paint fences, or something?

"But QUIETLY," is my last word, as they laugh giddily in cartoonish anticipation. They are still laughing when they promise to not play the movie loudly.

They did play the movie quietly, or at least I think the volume was low, but they laughed so loudly I wouldn't know. We love to hear our children laughing.

Even though I was kept up late by the very loud laughter coming from downstairs, I am up early. It's fine. I read news headlines, and cruised FB, checked email, visited blogs. I had the same debate I have every month or so... Why do I blog? Do I say too much? Could it be better? Should I go back to just emailing mom, friends, some in-laws? What is the point of this strange, open journal, and couldn't I just walk away? And then, as part of the same every month or so debate, I have a small pity party for myself, because I have not landed a book contract, or sponsors, or had my interview with Terry Gross... for a series she does speaking with semi-normal, mediocre, underachievers who are unaccomplished, yet surprisingly fascinating. And then I remember... I would not have a thing to wear, or a skill to demonstrate if I were waking up to appear on the Today Show. And I don't even like flying, or thinking about what to wear. And I am horrible at managing my usual routine and chores, and would likely fail epically if my duties/responsibilities were increased. Then I feel a kind of relief in my semi-normal, mediocre, underachiever realm, except that I wish I had gone for a walk, instead of having a small pity party. I may have wasted another opportunity to better myself.

Did I say too much?

Now I am going to pay bills. Then I am going to load the dishwasher. I also plan to go to the post office... finally. I am the world's worst post office visitor ever. I simply cannot get myself in there. with. packages. ever. It is a source of shame. I am sharing the shame in hopes of shaming myself in to action. I'll let you know if it works. Won't that be worth reading about?

By the way, three roosters are in a crowing match, somewhere in our back yard. I have a feeling we will be meeting more of neighbors soon.

Have a nice day.


Rois said...

This posting is like looking in a mirror.It is 9 AM and my teen boys are still sleeping,the house is quiet and the chickens are telling the world "I LAID AN EGG!!" I do the same online things in the morning as you and since its payday I will pay the Bills (UGH said in a pity party voice.)
Good luck with getting to the post office.

Miriam said...

I can understand your wonder about saying too much - I have the same wonder myself, sometimes. But I am so, so glad you write about your life the way you do. It is beautiful to read - your family, and your love for them, are awe inspiring, and it's an honour to be invited in to read about them. Plus, you make me laugh - a lot! You are clever and thoughtful and honest and so in tune with what's really important. So please, please, for entirely selfish reasons, don't stop.

Hope said...

Oh Natalie, never doubt that we, your readers don't treasure you! I greet your post with a smile every time. Thanks for sharing your life and wonderful family. I'm sorry I don't post back with you more often so that you know we're out here, and are always thrilled to be transported to your Bird House in the sun. Best, Hope in Portland, OR

Sara at Come Away With Me said...

Ditto from me on the comments is always a pleasure to read about your life and I love hearing about your family and what you all get up to. And I love that your family really is a family, you know what I mean? Maybe I'm enjoying vicariously what I never experienced a whole lot of in my real life...all that wonderful togetherness!

Yes, I also wonder about this blogging thing and why I keep blogging, and do I say too much. I think maybe we all wonder about that from time to time...but I'm so glad we keep the blogs open and keep visiting among our little community (or maybe it's not so little) and learning about what others are thinking and feeling and loving and hating and learning in other parts of our own country and around the world. It's all good.

Julie said...

Loved the part about the kids asking to watch Batman, and smiled when you mentioned loving to hear your kids' laughter. Even when it's keeping you up. That's a mark of a great mom!

Really? YOU wonder why you blog at times?? That's a little gift you gave me tonight, admitting that. It's obvious to me, it's because you're great at it, and the words seem to just flow out of you so naturally, and seemingly so effortlessly. I think the very fact that you share personal parts about your lives, is part of what makes it so fun to read chciken blog, or however it's spelled (and that was an honest typo I just made!)....And the gift you're giving your family....Ah...It's really touching to me...Thanks for your friendship and your encouragement, Natalie. I really appreciate your tender heart! xx Julie

Tracy said...

Wow... I think your thoughts resonate with most all of us, Natalie. I think you should call Terri Gross and see if you will do that series on us "average joes"... the ordinary is EXTRAORDINARY, everyone as something wonder, you know! I hope she starts the series with you... I'll be itching to listen! :o) I just love how you put your heart out here each week--every inspiring! Happy Weekend to you & yours, my friend ((HUGS))

CarrieMarie said...

I, too, have had those same thoughts. But I (and maybe you, too) write because it's who I am. I love the flow of words & I share the little things and the big things and sometimes the too much things, because other wise the words would just run around in my head. Or I'd write in notebooks again, but it's nice to share with ppl. It's nice to have a sense of community and such.

And I'm also glad you share w/ us, because I like YOUR community. Plus, you taught me what steampunk means! : )

Mama Spark said...

I go through a similar struggle about these same things. You have to decide that you are writing for you and not that fabulous book contract or interview, LOL. I have to admit I love it when people leave comments. I love to read your blog so keep it up!