Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Packus Rattus

This is the last box to leave the garage. There are no more moving boxes in the garage. Which is not to say, the garage is empty. The right things are in the garage now, the purposeful things. But we are not unpacked, not technically.

Here it is: I am the single greatest roadblock to us being fully, completely, totally unpacked. And I am ashamed and overwhelmed. My office is an overflowing testament to my lifetime collecting habit, compounded by seven years of not taking inventory of all I was amassing. In kindness to me, I blame having to move every two years, and not being unpacked since 2003.

But. And this is a big butt I should have learned from past sessions, when I was overwhelmed by stuff.
I really, really wish I had stuck to a restrictive stuff diet, and resisted the urge to keep every single thing we might want or need. Now I am immobilized by our my things, and I am thinking back to that strange and extremely rare time in our lives when for two months we were unpacked and organized... until we moved again. Those two months, as I recall, were good. Short, though. Very short.

I am the single greatest roadblock to us being fully, completely, totally unpacked, and besides feeling overwhelmed by the physical workload of undoing my damage, I am scared of progressing, of finally settling down.<---------- That admission is weird and irrational, and probably should have come out in professional therapy.

Geoff is looking for a T-shirt he saw, with a message he knows fits me: "Some people think the world is flat. Cool." There is a guy in a kayak about to go over the edge of the flat world. The message fits me, because deep down inside I suspect that the world is flat, and deep down inside I suspect that if we settle down and make ourselves at home, then it will come undone, and we will have to move, again.<---------- That admission is painful, and possibly irrational, and probably should have come out in professional therapy.

Whatever my psychological deficiencies, and fears, this office is absurd, and it must get whipped in to shape. ugh... this is going to hurt.


Rois said...

You just reminded me that my studio is a pack rats pit of doooooom. It's easy to over look this space since the room is off the garage with a door I can close so I don't see the mess,collection,WIP's or the chaos.I keep thinking I'll get to it...someday,someday far,far away.
Good Luck,let us know if you find any good lost and now re-found treasures.

Alison said...

A) Blogs are cheaper than professional therapy.
B) It won't hurt. It will feel liberating. Just getting started is the hardest part.
C) Don't let anyone else decide what to get rid of. It's your battle, and it will be your victory.

Good luck!

Miriam said...

You have such a talent for making anything a celebration (like the beheading of a chicken) that I think you could find a way to turn sorting through your office a party. Maybe Geoff could take the kids on an expedition one day and you could invite a couple of your most supportive friends over, have some wonderful food and a couple of glasses of wine, and start the process - which, as Flartus says, is the hardest part! If I was nearby I would come over with some empty boxes, some garbage bags, my best brownies, some tissues for tears and one of those handy label-making gizmos, and I would make a party with you.

judy in ky said...

It is such a struggle. I understand. Every morning I get up and see all the stuff around me, and just want order. I spend an hour or so picking up and putting away, but the next morning it's all back again. There is just too much stuff and not enough places to put it. That's all before I start opening boxes and dealing with the stuff I haven't seen since we moved five years ago. It never ends. You are not alone. May we both find peace and order in our lives.

warren said...

We always have boxes that never get unpacked...and they stay in stupid locations. We have one now in our living room...been there almost 5 years...

Tracy said...

You are not alone, Natalie! We've lived in this house 5 years now, and only within the last year have we really gotten all settled--all fix ups done, the garage clear out (of the previous owners hidden junk--that we had to deal with!), etc. Something we've been doing in the past year is a gradual paring down of STUFF! How much stuff can two people really need and use, I ask myself this all the time. We aim toward a more minimal, simple--a life of abundance with less. I know we can do it. It will take time and mental re-wiring. I know you can do it too, Natalie. Take a deep breath... We're right behind you. :o) ((HUGS))

Natalie, the Chickenblogger said...

I am not alone, am I? Wow, you guys! I am still in a fix, but your encouragement and understanding make a world of difference.
A) Blogs are cheaper than therapy
B) And more effective
C) And more fun... with friends like all of you, who needs therapy?!