Thursday, April 18, 2013

Stuck... Good Days, and The Rest

Not every day is good.

Never give up!
Never surrender!
I don't say it, repeat it, because it's so firmly affixed in my beliefs, to demonstrate my sound convictions. I say it to remind myself to keep moving forward. I repeat it to convince myself that somewhere, along the way, I will hit upon a solution, find an answer, make things work out good enough.

Otherwise, to be quite honest... I struggle. I am disheartened. I doubt. I am scared.

Let's not pretend my insecurity is based on these almost lovely loaves that stuck to the pan... there's more on my emotional plate than a stuck crust! But, while we are on the topic: Why did they stick? Any ideas? I followed the same recipe, did the same things, but this time it was a crusty mess.


Sometimes, it seems a small thing, a minor crisis, is just the thing to trigger a confidence plunge! One, or three, broken loaves, and suddenly it's all so clear: Life is impossible, and messy, and I am in over my head, and why can't I be all the ideals I keep imagining I could/should/might/hope to be!?!... with maybe some tears, and a bowl of rice pudding. Maybe.

Do you ever feel this way? A pity party, maybe? A bout of doubt, and drama?

I say, with embarrassment, and regret: I can think of more criticisms, and self-deprecating remarks about myself than nice things.

Good grief.

The stuck crust tasted amazing. It was still hot, and I peeled it off... well, actually I hacked away at it with a big knife. It was delicious.

Life is confounding. I like it, to be sure. But there a moments... some long spells, when it really helps to say, Never give up! Never surrender! And then sit with chickens, or chase goats. Or just sit and write stuff down, and realize that it's okay to feel the feels.


ArtyZen said...

Yes, Natalie, I do feel like this sometimes. Comes and goes. Right now, I'm on a high but I do so recognise those feelings of self-doubt and fear of doing everything wrong, or at least nothing right. I drop things and forget things and feel eggshells under my feet at times like this. It passes and then it's walking on sunshine again.
Never give up! Never surrender! It's time to sit and feel.
Bet that stuck bread was the best bit. Last time people came to stay, I made a cake and it didn't cook in the middle - it was the first bit my guest ate and with the greatest of pleasure!!

Anonymous said...

Consider that the crust was a taster that was meant to be! A nibble to be enjoyed by the cook! Just like the dregs of cookie dough in a bowl, or licking the beaters of cake mix.. a simple pleasure...

Or get a nonstick bake sheet? Looks like a silicone mat, or a sheet of parchment..

But I say lick the beaters, and just enjoy.

Jenn in California

Nancy said...

I admire that you are making bread! If it sticks, it might be the bread having a bad day! I have those bad days too, I guess we all do. I always remember what my dad would quote to me, 'This too shall pass.' Definitely words that signify that there is hope, a rainbow after the rain, a tasty bit of crust for just the cook to enjoy, something to look forward too. I enjoy your blog and have been so tickled over how much you love animals like me. We just completed a chicken coop yesterday and will be getting some chickas next week to fill it! Would love to do the goat thing, but not sure I could get away with it! Be encouraged, you do make a difference in this world! :)

Little Messy Missy said...


nikkipolani said...

Now there's some worldly wisdom for you -- some days the bread sticks, some days it doesn't. Hurray for good crusty bread :-)

I was thinking of you and your Tasha and Ada when I came across this post:

Knitting with Olof said...

Save your sanity and use some parchment paper under your bread. I did this until my husband, the amazing man that he is, gave me a pizza stone for my oven and a pizza peal. Yes I am blessed with an amazing man.

I stumbled on your blog from the comments on Soul Mama. Hope you are having a beautiful day today!

Natalie, the Chickenblogger said...

yummy! I was the one who ate it all nom nom nom!

love Maria

Natalie, the Chickenblogger said...

Hello Maria!
I know you love the fresh bread.
You are inspiring me to start some
dough tonight.
I love you.

Kim said...

Use enough Cornmeal?

I know how you feel. Oh the ups and downs...

I do believe, as you do, that if you never give up! Never surrender! you will find a way; an answer, and more happy moments than you imagined.