Wednesday, March 27, 2019

March 20-27 Rain and Flowers

March 20 ::

This picture, and post, give some indication that I am closing in on catching up with myself, and bringing the blog up to date with current posts. I drew it during a hard week, after hard months, but I was so elated to be drawing at all.

After the major parts of our interior home improvements were done, and Mike was working on improvements outside, I slowly began thinking about how to arrange furnishings, and art, and stuff. And the stuff is the hardest part.

It feels like this month is for rain, flowers, and settling in, and I love it. In fact when I do feel any disappointment about all of the rain we've had, it's because I worry that next year we will be back in a drought, that we can't count on this weather being a regular part of our climate. Do I need to move north and west? Day after day of rain and clouds has been sheer delight. I would love to grow accustomed to this.

March 21 ::
Thursday, and normally she would be wearing a witch hat, because Witch Thursday, but in Japanese she is practicing conversation about articles of clothing, including berets. Maybe she is a French witch. There is never enough time at drop-off, when we want to share one more laugh, one more word of encouragement. I miss our days of home-schooling, the time together, our lessons and outings, her company. She loves Japanese, and metals. (Be my guest and read between the lines, here... not all of her classes are above par, or even middling.) Some days we take deep breaths and vow to relish our summer, when school will not hinder with her education.

March 23 ::

By the weekend we were all ready to getaway, see fresh sights. We drove east and north, and further east. One winding road led to another and soon we were in Julian, where it was daffodil season, and in the town hall, they were having a flower show. Julian is out in our local mountains, once a mining town, now an apple pie and flower show town. It's not so far away, but it's far enough to awaken the senses, and make me nostalgic.

March 24 ::

It has rained a lot this month of March, but not everyday, so on this sunny day, we let the chickens and goats out into the open yard. The goats are capable of trampling flowers, and doing terrible damage, but really it's a matter of keeping an eye on them, and occasionally redirecting their interests. When Tasha goes after those long rose branches, she's honestly doing me a favor. She is actually quite adept when it comes to pruning roses.

As the date for the first hearing approached, I struggled to feel safe, confident. I had been bracing myself for months, practicing affirmations, and reasoning that there was nothing to fear, or worry about. In spite of my earnest thoughts and practices, I also dealt with mean thoughts (March 18, 2019: Maybe I am relieved to not be blogging, because I hate the moment that, inevitably, arises when I feel compelled to share something of the accident, the one back in December. How can I help it? It clouds my head, still, and gives me nightmares, pain, anxiety, and a stutter. Not a very bad one, because I find that if I speak slowly, or not at all, it's not so noticeable. On Saturday, I cried half a day, because I was served another subpoena. It's "only" 2 different hearings/trials, but they keep changing the dates, and then comes a new subpoena. And do you know what troubles me? What will I wear? Because... "first impressions" and all that, and really, I cannot go dressed comfortably, as myself, in jeans and a t-shirt that says "Take a bus, you drunk fool." No. I will have to go and face her and her attorney, dressed as me, myself, and I am sorry to say that I will appear as a gray, fat, old woman, that flinches when doors slam, or cars honk. I would rather stay home.) In the end, it was simpler than I expected, and worse than I imagined. Her attorney was accusing and intrusive. I'll have to deal with him, again, as a witness for the state, in June. So, I practice affirmations and reasoning that I have nothing to fear, and I smell the flowers, and enjoy the rain.

(This post was back-blogged on May 25, 2019.)

No comments: