Tuesday, April 15, 2003

27 Days

27 days left in the Bill and Alison wedding day countdown! By all accounts bride and groom are holding up admirably well. A few days before the big day, we will head north in the Jet Puff, and for our part there are only a few more details to attend to.

1. Be sure Geoff has dress shorts and a decent tie.
2. Buy dress shoes for the boys; this has to be at the last possible moment in hopes that they won't outgrow them on the drive to the wedding.
3. Find the "lift 'em, shape 'em, lose ten, move 5, strapless, wireless, tummy toning, all cotton bra" with matching panties.
4. Convince Max that weddings are fun.
5. Confirm with guests for shower for Alison
6. Shave (a rehearsal)
7. Haircuts
8. Convince other single friends contemplating matrimony to get married quick...the kids have suits and ties and I can't say how long these slacks and coats will fit them, or whether the boys would ever endure another shopping trip like that again!

This is a nesting hencake.

I get no credit for writing this, but the subject matter makes it worthy of a place here at Chicken Blog. It came in my email, and I think its author is Beth A. Medina.

"One more time: Why did the chicken cross the road?"

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The
chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground

JACQUES CHIRAC: The chicken has rights, mais oui? We care not whether
the chicken crosses the road since we will claim her eggs regardless of on
which side of the road she lays them, n'est pas? Should les americains succeed
in seizing them, we shall insist on coq au vin!

TONY BLAIR: It is clear to Her Majesty's government that the chicken
has disguised and hidden her eggs, which, under extraordinary circumstances
particularly on All Hallow's E'en, can certainly be used as weapons of
mass destruction

COLIN POWELL: Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite
image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANS BLIX: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not
yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

MOHAMMED ELBARI (Iraq ambassador): The chicken did not cross the road.
This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RALPH NADER: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had
been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not
reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was
rushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll
bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet
someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with
crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this
can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax
dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money
the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the
price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you
people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going
to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will
become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like
"the other side."

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be
free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming
story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to
accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.

VOLTAIRE: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend
to the death its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more
chickens have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

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