Monday, July 28, 2008

Missing Cable

This weekend I carried Geoff's pocket camera with me. It's small and convenient. I took pictures, just like Anne said, at Mom's Night Out. Pictures of our friends and the beautiful garden, and Yanina's lovely table with summer lights and summer colors. I took pictures at Comic-Con, where I tried to take in the vibe and action, the characters and humor. Comic-Con has almost endless points of view to consider and I look forward to distilling some of it for Chickenblog. We stopped for a visit at Holly and Rich's and I took quite a few pictures there. The children were playing in the yard, looking cute, being active, having fun... those are wonderful occasions to photograph. In all I took more than 100 photographs. And, if I knew where Geoff's cable is I would be sharing those pictures, instead of these thrift shop shots I took weeks ago.

Curious... I know allspice is good in pumpkin pie and I like nutmeg in my oatmeal cookies, but what do you put in a fiddling cowboy spice jar?

I was tempted 21 times and for 21 reasons to delete my last post, because it was sad and personal, and it is risky to be so open. It makes one vulnerable... I really appreciate the responses, the feedback and support. For one thing, saying things out loud helps me filter and sort, and even to diffuse strong emotions, so that I can make calmer, more rational choices.

Secondly, I get good advice and an outside point of view that helps me either confirm my beliefs or waken new ideas to help me move forward.

And thirdly, and this is a good one, I really love the idea of dispelling the myths and fabricated notions of what women and mothers and families are like... in other words, I love showing the challenges, the scenes that are not airbrushed and glossed over. Without personal trainers, tidy yards, nannies, sitters, trust-funds and higher than average social and financial advantages, without a publicist and stylist, some of us struggle to find all of the right answers, to know what to do or how to do it. And even the people that enjoy some or all of those niceties, even they, struggle on occasion. I find it reassuring to know I am not alone in doubting myself, in trying to be better as a human, as a mom and leader and partner and friend.

So I risk showing my dark side, my weak points and I feel awkward and lame for it, but I feel honest too. I feel true, and when others recognize my feelings and obstacles and can relate, or can empathize, sympathize or feel a connection, then I believe it is worthwhile. A conversation begins, we can help each other, we can laugh it off, and wipe our tears and we can take heart knowing that this human experience is better shared. And the exchange is awesome. All of your comments and insights and perspectives are so valuable and interesting. It's a powerful force, feeling connected, to support and be supported, and I thank you for contributing to the conversation. Because of the comments it is a conversation, and not just me whining, and I really appreciate the exchange.

Liz, you made me laugh out loud, because you narrowed down the topics to 2 key and practically insurmountable issues. Housing and perfect fit jeans?! No wonder I am overwhelmed, right?

Nikkpolani, sexing chickens is apparently an elaborate, mystical realm that is not well practiced, because the *Help! I have roosters!* posts are rampant in the chicken-blog arenas. I am not alone in this crisis! I have yet to hear anyone say "I bought poulets and I have hens, and no roosters."

Tilly, thank you. Hooray for chickens, and hooray for people who take the time to leave a comment, even if it's just, "Hi. I am reading today." Your comment is very sweet and it feels really good to hear what you said about my posts.

Tarie, thank you for the hugs. I am sending you hugs too.

Janece, we can never hope to say it all in 1 post, or in the comments. Life is too complicated, but I just love that you shared your thoughts and experiences. I am bolstered by your willingness to be honest, and by your friendship... what you told your NY friend was good... an understanding friend is a treasure. I just know we are destined to meet face to face some day, until then, thank you. Thank you for your understanding, your support. LOL, like you, I don't know where to start or end.

Anna Banana, aren't we fortunate? I feel as though through blogging we have this rich tapestry of views and ideas and wisdom, and the strength of all these wonderful women can be shared... we can share it through humor and wisdom and even through sniffling. And we are especially fortunate that we can meet in person and have a real hug from time to time.

D.A. , you're right about Laura Jane, and I am taking it all in. Thank you for the hug.

Laura Jane, "chiqa," really? I'll take it as a sign. Actually, I don't need any signs, with a friend like you. I just need to read and reread your words and frequently remind myself of all the wise and caring things you said. I believe you are in a perfect career, guiding women through labor, delivery and recovery... you have the nurturing, gentle yet firm wisdom and experience to guide women through rough patches and narrow passages. Your skills are helpful in many more stages of motherhood than just the delivery room. Thank you. Very. Much.

Campbellgirl, it's good to let Garybob off the hook a bit... just a bit! Humor helps, but I think Laura Jane is right, and we must be kind(er) to our lovely selves. Think how kind you've been to me, and I thank you for that, and consider how worthy you are too. Why do we find this difficult? You deserve to escape the bag lady mode and to slip in to something as lovely as you are.

Most times I do not know where my post is going, where to start or where to end. Hopefully I will find the camera cable and post fun pictures and share interesting details about life, the universe, MNO, flan, comic book heroes, children, chickens, friends and everything. I like it when my mom reminds me that we are works in progress. I enjoy sharing the progress with all of you. Live long and prosper.


Tiglizzyclone said...

Hey I am becoming addicted to your blog! I like reading about your chickens. Also, I thought your last post to be very thought provoking. I hope you don't ever delete it. I thought about it all Saturday afternoon, and almost went back to comment Saturday evening, but didn't. I will here, now, just say that fashion is really a strange thing. You are really the lucky one. At least clothes don't rule your life. I personally have a closet full of clothes... my wardrobe is really out of control. They aren't just in my closet. To tell you the truth, I wake up in the morning and the first thing I usually see is my closet spilling over, and I hate it. I can't even get to the back of it. The clothes I wear the most are in a bookcase across the room. I got to get myself in gear and do some serious work ridding myself of the excess.

Tiglizzyclone said...

Also, I like your picture of the Spock doll.

Jennifer said...

I recently saw a Barbara Kingsolver quote that went something along the lines of: our dreams don't influence our everyday lives the way our everyday lives influence our dreams. I keep thinking about that -- am I working the dream thing in the right direction? I agree wholeheartedly about the ultimate safety net in sharing our darker selves; in doing so we find how completely un-alone we are, how very much the difficult stuff is shared -- just as universal as the better times. Which makes me think about that whole business of not being able to recognize nor appreciate the better times if you don't go through tough times, too.

Dani said...

Natalie, It sounds like every one enjoyed themselves. I'm so glad to hear that the landlord doesn't have any problems with the chickens. I'm already worried about our shipment of chicks next week, I hope there isn't any roos this time.

Tilly said...

'A work in progress' Hmmm....I like that very much indeed.