9:52 a.m.: Try to compose a personal, but not too stalkerish comment. It's at least sincere, if not too original.
9:53 a.m.-10:02 a.m.: Sit back in seat, staring at the monitor, and ponder the great imponderables, and question my existence, significance, worth, and purpose.
10:04 a.m.: Change my FB profile. We all have to begin somewhere.
10:05 a.m.: Resolve to reach, to be as lovely as my daughter pictures me.
10:22 a.m.: Epiphany! I shouldn't wait until we are hungry to start dinner, because it is the root of all evil... it is the beginning of problems. When I cook late, I am too tired to clean, then I face a disaster kitchen in the morning, and give the children lunch money, instead of a healthy packed lunch, and I despair at my inadequacies, which leads to crankiness, and poor posture, so I think about ordering a massive rubbish dumpster, and getting rid of our worldly possessions in a fit of frustrated rage, but then I recall that dumpsters are expensive, but nonetheless I reflect on the possibility of donating a great deal of our stuff, then moving to a small home, somewhere in Honoka'a, where we live simply, and eat mangos and guavas for dinner, as late as we please.
10:32 a.m.: I start preparing dinner. I love Hawaii, but we are home, now. And I don't need any more hassles.
11:00 a.m. Looking out the kitchen window, the one above the sink, I realize that I love this view. I love the colors, and the flowers, the Jacaranda tree in bloom, and Maria's cottage. I love that I removed the roses from the big bed, and planted vegetables, and annuals. I love that Anna Banana suggested we keep two of the roses, because biodiversity. I love that I can see two huge swathes of blue paints, and that we may not get this place painted for a long time, but that the blue on the left side makes me really happy, in a content, and serene way. So, I take a picture.
11:10 a.m.: It seems like my prepare dinner early epiphany is a really good direction, and as I often I struggle to get it right, to be efficient and productive, I resolve to write this new plan down. Start dinner early. I have a plan. A new one. I am still trying. If I cannot get this life right, I hope to live long, and keep trying.
11:56 a.m.: Start laundry.
It seems to me that you already are getting this life right, in so many ways. I see you the way you see Alicia Paulson, constantly amazed by all the creative and caring things you do. I'm glad you look out your window and love what you see.
I am not going to deflect any of your kindness, Judy.
Too often, my knee-jerk reaction is to find fault in myself, to mention my shortcomings
and deny the compliment. Resisting! Thank you. Thank you, for seeing me this way, and for sharing your kind words.
You are wonderful and Maria's picture is one I recognise from the words you write and the feelings you share. However, and I am NO domestic goddess myself, one thing I have learnt from being married to a Spaniard and living for a period with his mother, is that early preparation of the main meal of the day is absolutely essential..it same time and flapping and gives the general impression that you are indeed, a kitchen goddess, if lunch or dinner is always magically ready when the bellies start rumbling. I think you have stumbled across a life-changing practice. (It also leaves lots more time for drawing, painting, sewing and being creative - though not necessarily for cleaning and washing and ironing. Can't have everything!)
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