Wednesday, April 28, 2021


Maria painted a dream... a dream she had about a year ago. She referred to notes she took, and using elements from the dream, she created this compelling scene, a self portrait. I love it... I love the colors and the light, the way things are slightly askew, and surreal, as happens in dreams. I love the details, the textures. Since she was making so much digital art on her laptop, and preparing a porfolio for the Studio Art class she had last semester, Geoff and I got her an iPad for Christmas. In February she switched from a free app called ArtRage, to Procreate, and it didn't take her long to get a handle on the new software. She's been sharing her progress on her Instagram page.
So. I am aware that plenty of people have been going about their business, masked up, and out there... working, shopping, running errands, socializing, adulting. I have not. Or, I have done as little as possible, bare minimum adulting. Instead, I have been dutifully, devotedly, one could even say zealously, staying home, and refraining from anything "risky." At times, during this pandemic, I believe, it was responsible, and appropriate, to participate in bringing down the curve, by not participating. But. Also, it was a not-so secret, fond desire of mine to stay home, avoid crowds, shelter from vehicles, loud noises, sudden intrusions, and all sensory input, except birds, flowers, and rising dough. I have been living my PTSD fantasy, with impunity! And maybe this has been a healing time. For certain, it has been a luxury, and I don't have any regrets, except to admit that I am no braver, no more comfortable or eager for back to normal, which strongly suggests that avoidance is no cure for what ails me. Ugh.
By necessity, or compulsion, I have been venturing out. I don't want to be congratulated, because I have not been particularly noble or gracious about it. I feel embarrassed, frankly. Then again, feeling the world is askew, and surreal, still grappling with symptoms I have yet to subdue or govern... well, if a friend described all of this, I would feel encouraging and gentle with them, so I'd like to be at least that understanding with myself. That never comes easy, though. With others, for others, yes. For me, not so much. In my mind, I accomplished monumental things, and I was going to list, them, but just now I hear the list of errands, and minor expeditions, and it's plain that they were not such a big deal. The car is smogged! Whoo-hoo! And I walked downtown! This one actually is fantastic, though it was accomplished as a team effort... everyone in our Bird House has been vaccinated at least once, and all of us will be fully covered before the end of May!
Here is something funny... I have been posting pictures of flowers, flowers, cats, chickens, and flowers, here, for the last year, and not a lot else! So, I was curious to see what new things would grab my attention, as I venture out into the world. I saw a beautiful Chevy, that would be fun to paint, and I bought a taco, on my downtown walk. The taco was not as great as imagining how it would be, but, well, I guess it was adventurous-ish. And now to the funny part, I have lots and lots of picture of flowers to post! In the middle of adulting and checking things off a (very long) list of things that need to be accomplished, I introduced Bambi to Franco's, the flower wholesaler I love to visit. Alex, William, Bambi, and I made a quick visit, kind of taking inventory of all the flowers found in April. What a happy, random, and satisfying pastime... to be venturing, in person, seeing new and beautiful sights, and thinking of the days ahead, as the world and possibilities open up to us.
As usual, but with a twist! Lots of flowers, and a cat.


Ruth said...

Love Maria's drawing, all the beautiful April flowers, and your blue cat. Mixed feelings about venturing out? Oh yes.

Natalie, the Chickenblogger said...

Thank you, Ruth. I will share your comment about her art with Maria. And when we are ready... would you like to venture with me to Franco's?