Thursday, December 23, 2021

All We Need

We have all we need, and that's saying a lot. Look, I am trying to be mindful and full of grace, good will, to have some perspective and be thankful. And, in all fairness, I think I am mindful, thankful, semi-objective. But good gracious, it's no fun living in the COVID times, with Qheads throwing irrational tantrums, and all the rest of the gun-toting, hate spewing, conspiracy spinning knuckle heads. Between school lock-downs... I'll stop. We know. I know. You know. It's hard. It's been hard, and it's still hard. Let me start over. Try, again.
We have cats, and twenty-four new teas we have been sampling. We have one last box of Trader Joe's Peppermint cookies stashed away. We have a broken oven. Oh. Yeah. Hadn't I mentioned? The old holiday tradition, of our oven going on strike, is back. The large oven is totally out, and the handy side oven doesn't get quite hot enough. But! We have cats, and a pretty tree, and straw bales, and rain in the forecast. We have presents under the pretty tree, a Nat King Cole Christmas album to play on our turntable, and an invitation to Christmas Eve brunch. We have more booster appointments, and one test appointment, and I have a good mind to scream if anyone tells me COVID is a lie, a conspiracy, blah blah blah Wear a mask! Get boosted! Seriously. It's not hard to do. We are in a crisis. We have all we need, but I want so much more. sigh.
I want extended family over for breakfast, lunch, tamales! I want friends around the house, in and out, and making, laughing, and hardly a thought of exposure, risk. I want to bake every favorite recipe and then drive around, looking at lights, and sharing our goodies with neighbors and healthcare workers, the delivery folks, and you, and you. I want to hear that student debt has been cancelled, because we can afford to do this, and it would be a fantastic shot in the arm to the economy and to the well being of thousands of people... see, it's not really so alturistic, because we are helping ourselves when we help each other. Good things are better shared. I want to see my Mom and Dad, my brothers and their families. I want to travel abroad, and I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I want to mentor, again. I want to buy an electric truck, or van, then drive with friends to the redwoods, and stay by the river for a week, longer. I want Maria to ask all of her friends over, so they can safely have a tea party and a movie night, play games, sit close together and whisper their jokes, and wishes, and not think once about a teacher home with COVID, a father or mother with health risks. I do have all I need, and I am deeply thankful, but I wish we could have more.

Do you spy Santa?

This is Maria's last day of school before winter break. Only, it's not, because I am keeping her home. She finished projects and finals already, so today was going to be a fun day, and yesterday could have been a fun day. But someone close to her is home with COVID, including his young family. Another school, down the street, is actually totally closed, because so many of their staff and teachers have COVID, they couldn't operate. We have been notified of 11 confirmed cases, and that was only yesterday. Alex, Bambi, and I spent hours searching the county for test kits, for a test site. I like to speak eloquently, to write thoughtfully, but really I just feel like blurting angrily, "I am so tired of this shit!" Inelegant, but honesty has it's own merits that can eclipse niceties.

She wants to be at school. She really wants to see that favorite teacher, be in his class, for the last time. She's already lost an entire semester of Japanese, and the trip to Japan. One and a half years at school, around friends. She isn't belaboring these things, the setbacks, the challenges. She doesn't get overwrought, but the toll is real. I hope, in writing these things down, that someday we will look back and reflect... Hey, Maria, that was a significant event, and it changed things, made life strange and uniquely challenging, but we found ways to overcome, even to thrive, and we had gains, accomplishments, and happiness, too. I want her to know that we see the struggle, her effort, her worry and disappointment. I won't downplay and refute any of the hard stuff. She deserves our concern, and respect. I feel this way for all of our children, all of the students, teachers, the custodians, and nurses, the lab techs, waiters, cooks, and delivery drivers. I am sorry this has been so hard, so unnecessarily hard, and strange. I see you.
Last night we watched Elf, which was just as silly and funny as we could hope for. What a gift! Rain is coming! And what else? There are errands to run, and some appointments to make... can I complain, just one more time? All three appointments are in three far-off destinations, so that means a lot of driving, in the rain, and I don't want to, and they are piled on top of each other, timing-wise, and go late. Grouse, grouse, grumble, dread, and grouse. Thank you. It's nice of you to indulge me. Isn't Feynman, passed out on his back, the most adorable? You don't have to agree, but I very much adore his trusting, safe and comfortable posture, his faith in his world. What a sweetie. I think our cats have been a saving grace for our hearts and minds. Well. We do have all we need, and maybe just enough bandwidth to cope with the yucky bits, like a conference call happening the hour before Christmas Eve brunch (Let's not consider that another complaint. It's simply an acknowledgement.) So. Okay. Here we go! The holidays are here. Christmas is coming! We can fire up the grill, brew another pot of tea, and I don't mind if we watch Elf one more time! Stay safe, friends! Make merry! Sing aloud, and hang in there. Someday, we will look back on these days, and sigh... we made it.


Janece said...

Oh no - broken oven again? Sigh. Is it repaired (since I'm late to this conversation?) Fingers crossed!

Another COVID holiday was tough, wasn't it? We canceled plans in an abundance of caution and it was such a disappointment. The three of us did have a wonderful time together - and we are looking forward to when we can reschedule with family... but sigh. So ready to be done, as are all of us, I know.

All the photos in this post - *mwah* -- wonderful!! ❤️

Natalie, the Chickenblogger said...

Yup. Again. It's not repaired. I will have to call the appliance guy we trust, but... well, there are a lot of buts, hassles, concerns. For one thing, this was the one repair that he never actually completed. He tried and tried and tried, and in the end it was Geoff and William that did the magic. Geoff can't possibly do one more thing, not until March, probably. So. I might wait. I don't know. I think my brain has hit a wall, and even simple decisions feel daunting.
Yes, again... you called it! It was tough. And I don't dwell on it, much, but it's kind of helpful to have a friend state it, to be able to commiserate on the glaring truth! COVID holidays and winter break with semi-isolation, is incredibly disappointing. I'm sorry about your plans. I'm sorry about ours... the ones I wanted to make, would have made, imagine making. Ugh. Ugh!! Right?
If you've popped over, and are reading my replies, please know that your comments feel like perfectly wrapped small packages, each one a comfort, and cheer, something that lifts my spirits. Thank you.