Make a Wish

I am going to spend this year collecting ideas, plans, for a birthday, for birthdays... all that are ahead. I am going to devise celebrations, themes, menus, and color schemes. I am going to create playlists, guest lists, and imagine outifits to wear, flowers to arrange, destinations to visit. Some of these will very likely be fantastic, as in... entirely immersed in fantasy, and wildly over the top, I hope. Some of my plans will be modest affairs, fraught with the very most humblest of mindful simplicity, sincerity, maturity and sophistication. I want to have a scheme for any circumstance. One never knows! And, I fervently hope that at least a few designs will emerge that are feasible, inspired, congenial, that when the time comes and anyone asks, I can reply with a sense of optimism and confidence, I have some ideas. I won't stammer, no panic or embarrassment, no dread... just a guest list, and cake flavor, happy anticipation, trust. Maybe a trip to a cabin, but with genuine expectancy of feeling that a comfortable celebration is in store.

This birthday, my 55th, had some really nice moments, in spite of me. I know... it's because of me, but trust me, it could be easier if I weren't standing in the way, cringing and wincing. Anyway. I love the messages. On social media... the texts, and cards. People say the nicest things, and I always want to tell them, I bask in this glow, the light you are shining on me, and your kindnesses make me smile, or tear up, and I am astonished at it all. Thank you for doing that. Thank you. My mother-in-law sent scarves, and I've been wearing them, like beautiful hugs around my shoulders. And my Mommy and Dad, sent cards, and a package that was stuffed full of treats, and words of encouragement, and love. And Geoff, too... he wants me to have a happy birthday, and I try. He spoils me, all year long, really. I want for nothing... nothing, but the ability to feel at ease. Anyway, he saw that I got some pampering. And he lead me to cake. And a taco. The taco was delicious. And we put a candle in it. I wished that next year we can try one of my wildly over the top schemes!

Later that night, our friends' text message came through, about a gift they'd left at our door. I was sorry I didn't see the message before they'd left. Look at Bex's bird! I love her art. I love the post it notes, and the lapel pins, the bookmark, and most of all, I love our friends. I love that my life now is more than I ever imagined it could be, in many blessed ways. I love that Geoff's best gift to me has been showing me that big ideas, plans, and wishes are good and worthwhile to have, that it's not only ok to make plans, but we should believe in them, reach for them, work for them, because they are often attainable, always worthwhile. I will reflect on this... on faith in goodness, and planning for happiness, as I consider my intentions, and resolutions for the New Year.