I've been waiting for this picture: A new baby and his mommy and daddy!
Did I mention I am an aunt to a cutie up north? Dominic came early, but he's
doing just fine now. I can't wait to hold him. Congratulations Alison and Bill.

I am sitting downstairs at the computer, surrounded by half a dozen half packed boxes and feeling an overwhelming sense of nameless dread and anxiety. Do you ever get that? I'll spare you the details, but I do wish I could find some relief. It's a good thing there is so much I can be grateful for, otherwise I might be feeling really, truly, deeply overwhelmed.

I know this devil: The Seattle Times: Opinion: A nagging compulsion to move up or get left behind

A New School Year

Today is the 17th day of school for Max and Alex. They are enrolled in classes at a school nearby, where they have a million new opportunities, including the experience of hating to get up early 5 days a week, coming home with homework… it’s not all bad. Alex has discovered he likes basketball even better than soccer and that football is more fun to play than watch. Max likes Tae Kwan Do, and his new friend, Luke. Max and Luke have the same robot lunch box. Alex chose the robot lunch box too; he leaves the house lugging three different bags to accommodate his books, folders, lunch and PE clothes. And when Maria and I go to pick up the brothers she brings her own bag, so she can have a snack with Max while we wait for Alex’s later dismissal.

Alex starts school earlier than Max. Max and I visit the playground together and talk about how things are going. After the first week of school he was tremendously relieved to learn about Saturday and Sundays. After 3 years of home schooling he hadn’t realized that the weekend meant ‘no school!’ Woo-Hoo! He is adjusting to a lot of changes, including new clothes and new rules and long hours away from everything dear and familiar to him. And so far he is doing amazing. I hear praise from his teachers and even other teachers that have met him during the week. He doesn’t like school, but it’s in the classic way that children don’t like school, so I listen to his concerns and then we resolve to make the best of it until Summer.

When we drop Alex off at his class he gets ready to help raise the flag and lead the Pledge of Allegiance. When you get to be Alex’s age there is a lot to do in school. There are a lot of papers to organize, a lot of notes to write and a lot of people to meet, many teachers and many students. I think he was overwhelmed, but I’m seeing him get a handle on it all. He’s finding his way, pacing himself, managing his time and discovering his strengths. He gets very worried about all the things he doesn’t know and I tell him not to worry. The point of school is learning, not knowing. Besides, Alex does know quite a bit, and his strong foundation and compassionate spirit make him an awesome boy, at home and in the classroom.

Another awesome boy I know of is William. We are here at home keeping up our Tree House Academy. Geoff and I are getting everything in order for William to enjoy new challenges too, like online courses through a university with a high school independent study program. In the meantime we are reading “Salt: A World History.“ Did you know there are 14,000 different uses for salt? William and I walk 4 or 5 times per week, and of course he is continuing to pursue his passion, which is computer graphics. He follows tutorials and is constantly reading about programming, software, graphics, art, and movie and game making (a rapidly merging industry.)

How about Maria? Oh my. She is growing fast, and strong and independent. She calls bunnies ‘bumbys’ and she loves bumbys. She loves tomatoes from the vine and she loves bathing, and climbing, and going down the slides at the park. Maria loves anything she can do outside, like kicking and throwing balls, and pushing Max’s old car, and feeding Joe, our real life bumby. She also likes to sit with books and magazines and read them to herself page by page. She likes singing “Istanbul” with Max, and dancing with Alex. She knows William will always giver her a hug up or help her paint on the computer.



One last thing, we are moving. I don’t know if I can say we found the perfect home; we’ve tried long and hard enough to find a perfect place. I finally couldn’t take the stress and I made Geoff settle on a house near here. I told Aunt Carol it’s a basic Garage Mahal kind of house, and I’m not sure yet what kind of place it will be, but it should be big enough and we can soon settle in and quit thinking about moving for a time. I feel relieved, but there’s a lot to be done yet…

I thought backing off on Chickenblog would be good for something... maybe distancing myself, maybe shutting up, maybe having more time to play online games... but I miss sorting out events, recording the daily doings, goings and showings. I realize the kids like the regular reflections on where we've been and the interesting points along the way. Blogging is sometimes trivial, sometimes whiney or shallow, but as I cruise the archives at Chickenblog I have found that blogging has also been a time capsule of our highs and lows. Chickenblog keeps track of good times and reflects on what we have done with our days and months. I like that I can be reminded that we had chickens and we were snowed in on a roadtrip, that we saw bison, elk, prairie dogs and redwoods. We oversaw the construction of a swimming pool, we ice skated at the beach and rapelled Stonewall Peak.

I haven't blogged much lately and perhaps a year from now it will seem like that there was a gap in our lives, a lull. No lull here! We've been very busy, but I haven't been writing and I miss it.

Some topics just can't be overlooked, so look alive mateys, 'cause this be Talk Like A Pirate Day - September 19

Tree House Update: The trees that make this house The Tree House, the rubber tree and the three melaleuca, the oak, the plum, apricot and apple tree are all being removed, chopped down, turned to mulch. This will not be the same place we came to. We are very sad. Small hope: Do you want a fruit tree? Do you know if rubber trees can grow from cuttings? Max is losing his favorite tree, but it would be so nice to say we are saving it a bit.

... ahh... here it is...


Plants with a solid stem (Rubber Tree Plant)

- choose a point along the stem between two buds; a few inches below an existing leaf.
- make a horizontal cut around the stem in the spot where you want the new roots to form.
- cut completely through the bark.
- make another cut an inch above or below the first cut.
- then make a vertical cut between the two cuts.
- peel the bark off between the two original cuts.
- apply rooting compound to the upper cut surface.
- continue with instructions for air-layering plants without a solid stem.

Plants without a solid stem (Dieffenbachias & Philodendrons).

- choose a point along the stem between two buds.
- remove leaves from the stem about 3" above and below the point to be rooted.
- make an upward slanting cut, about a 1/3 through the stem.
- don't cut too deeply or the main stem may break off.
- dip or roll a moist wooden toothpick in a rooting hormone.
- insert the toothpick into the cut on the stem to prevent the cut from closing and heeling.
- obtain a 12 X 15" piece of plastic and two handfuls of moist spagnum moss.
- wrap the cut on the stem with moist spagnum moss to form a ball about the size of a grapefruit around the stem.
- wrap with plastic and seal edges with twistems.
- check the moss every two weeks during the 8-10 week rooting period to ensure that it is still moist.
- after a good sized set of root have developed, remove the plastic. Be careful not to damage roots.
- carefully cut the newly rooted plant from the mother plant.
- pot plant in a fairly small pot using porous well drained soil.
- plant will be fairly top heavy and should be supported.
- water plant in well.

Rental open house. Beautiful place, bit pricey... well, ya, very pricey, but it beats the d-u-m-p I saw yesterday by light-years... The woman showing the pricey and stunning house turns out to be a way long time ago friend of my mom's. Mom must remember Lin C. ...? Anyway, Lin C. is not only the renting agent she is also the next door neighbor. The big bummer (you knew there had to be a *big bummer*) is the size... tight squeeze. And that is today's housing update. How was your day?

Our favorite rental ad, this week... sounds like a weiner, ... er I mean winner.
"$3000 Luxury 7Br/4Ba., 4400sf, 2 kitchen, 3 DR's, cul de sac, 2 car gar, 2 fplcs, baloney."

I've been having the kind of week (or has it been the whole year...) that makes me see and feel much of what I believed-in in a whole new light. It makes me want to wipe my slate clean, and maybe begin again. Keep husband and children, some dear friends and our pets, of course, though maybe not Zelda, because she bites. Keep all that as the focus and center of my plans and thoughts. It has been in my nature to overextend my concern and love and money and thoughts and efforts in directions where it wasn't required, or appreciated or respected. Now I feel embarrassed, hurt and sad. I also feel a sense that it's time to move on and recommit to the people who need me most, the people I need too.

It has come to my attention that because we have been generous, people assume that our success or lifestyle has come easily, and that we live easily. Some have even said that we don’t live like most people, and that any hardship we might have would only serve to show us how the rest of the world lives… I’m paraphrasing, so it’s not as harshly put as it was stated to me.

I try to be polite and articulate and not to intentionally offend, but sometimes you have to say it like it is: Bullshit. We’ve been generous because we are too nice, because we love to share, even at the expense of our personal needs and dreams. What success we have comes from some luck, true, but it comes more from working long hours, skipped vacations, working holidays, passing on things and opportunities. We have made choices that we both embrace and regret, and we assume responsibility for all of it. I guess we don’t live like the rest of the world. Who does? I won’t assume anyone’s circumstances reflects their worth, whether they live in a tiny apartment, or enjoy new cars, boats and decorated homes.

Sorry Mom. I know you don’t like it when I rant in public, but this is my outlet, my therapy, my voice. I’m not trying to hurt anyone or be needy. I simply have thoughts and feelings that I gotta get out of my head, and if you think this is too much, you should hear what I am not saying. I guess too, that I don’t worry, because the readers that give me feedback are actually honest, interested, and they are in an active dialogue with me about life and family and the good and bad events that shape our lives. Anyone else reading from the shadows either doesn’t care or is not participating in the conversation.

So, back to the ‘whole new light’ thing: I thought my circle was wider and more encompassing than it actually is, and I have been putting too much energy out ‘there.’ Am I describing co-dependency? Hmmm… Well, we can’t be wholly independent, not when we are spouses, mommies and daddies, but I can see now that my responsibilities are under one roof. My time, thoughts, and concerns should flow in circles where they are received and returned, in a loving, kind cycle. In the new light, I can see none of us has the resources, or perhaps even the interest, to love everyone, to share with everyone. Families can grow quite large, they extend, but they can also recede and we can hardly be expected to hold on to everyone as we had, or as we might like… sad, but true.

I’ve said a lot. Maybe too much, and yet it’s all too vague and incomplete. My Mom’s probably right, though, so I’ll stop. There’s no need to put more out there.

New Plan. Everyone should be prepared for a new plan. You may think you know what's up, but life can be shifty, so never rely on one path, one goal, one exit. Think of it as disaster preparedness. I made my list of things to do this week, and some of the stuff I accomplished and some of it I have to undo and some of it will never come together. Oh well.

I am taking a deep breath and sitting down to write The List.

clean car
take laundry to laundromat
clean house, yea, all of it
send "thank you" to Steve and Andrea
finish shower gift for Alison
keep cleaning house
shower
diet
exercise
exfolliate
pack. yup, pack.
pack house
pack for road-trip
water garden
clean refrigerator
clean RV
confirm appointment to repair clothes washer
return to laundromat
find a new home
go to bank
flea medicine on cats
call vet: did we have an appointment?
pay bills
oh yes, and feed children, remind them to brush and bathe etc...
leave at end of week for 2nd summer road trip to Monterey

And always remember to smile.

Geoff gave me a digital camera as an early Christmas gift, December 2002. I looked back at the thousands of images I've captured and pulled out just a few of Max. I guess I need a scanner, if I'm going to share the earliest memories.


May 20, 2003. Max and Diego were inseperable friends.


July 22, 2003. You might say 'Max and Legos are inseperable' as well.


December 14, 2003. Sledding at the Wild Animal Park has become a favorite winter tradition. I think this was our second year on the slopes.


Max isn't always in a red T-shirt with Denim shorts. For Deanne and James' February 6th, 2004 wedding he looked quite handsome in his vest suit.


December 8, 2004. Max is a wonderful big brother.


March 1, 2006. Time is passing quickly. I'm glad we can enjoy the memories of simple pleasures.